2010 - Game 11 - Sat 02/07 - KSCC 1s v Wincanton

                The fabled local rivalry goes back as far as the ages.  The first officially recorded local derby can be found in the ancient cave drawings of Lascaux, where Graknor is clearly depicted challenging the cavemen from the neighbouring hillside to try and catch more bison than him.  In his victory, the pompous Graknor paraded his catch up and down the valley before being unexpectedly set upon by a roaming Sabre Tooth Tiger.  As with most ideas of this ilk, the idea of being a ‘good sport’ and gracious in defeat was founded more on the need for survival than for purely genteel reasons.  With the shortage of Sabre Tooth Tigers on these fair isles, even down here in the darkest depths of Somerset, this survival instinct plays out at Kilmington and Stourton thanks to the need to return to a favoured feeding grounds, the Wincanton Tandoori, without being set upon to the feared Wincanton public.  Depending on your view on things, local rivalry extends even further back into our illustrious human history.  Well beyond even the mythical tales of Lancelot Link hurling unmentionable things at Baron von Butcher in a neighbouring tree on the African savannah, there is scientific speculation that one protozoa leant casually out of his puddle of primordial ooze and made a gesture (remarkable for a single cell organism I think you will agree!) to a fellow protozoa in the next pool and promptly sprouted a second cell in a classic case of one-upmanship for the ages.  If, on the other hand, you come from the other side of the fence there is the tale of Adam and Eve who, after being on the scrumpy all afternoon, decided to settle the possibly redundant argument about who should open for the Genesis First II with  a knockabout game of cricket (one-hand-one-bounce, over the edge of the Garden of Eden is six and out).  That game was going well until Eve aimed an ugly hoik over cow corner and put an apple straight through God’s secret greenhouse (for medicinal reasons only!) and they were promptly ejected from the field of play.

                Kilmington and Stourton hosted their closest rivals, Wincanton, on a day with on and off cloud and sunshine.  The track looked another flat deck, so when Winci won the toss they elected to bat with their powerhouse offensive unit primed.

                 Things started quietly enough…Tommy B looked a wee bit wayward but had the wheels to get away with it.  Snooky was moving the ball away in the conditions and looking in good rhythm.  However, after the first few overs, the Wincanton openers decided to up the tempo.  Tommy B has had an awful run lately with bits flying off in all directions since signing a landmark deal with Toyota.  Snooky also took a bit of stick but replied with the wicket of Hatcher and then the biggest wicket of them all, the ultimate local rival Brimble.  Tommy B left the field to have a foot welded back on and was replaced by The Professor, who was straight on the money.  He was joined for an unexpectedly tight spell by El Capitan from the other end and the non-Prius brakes were applied to the big hitting pair of Hurlock and Legg.   Skippy nearly had Big Poppa Legg a couple of times before a thankful Spence saw him well caught by Anter in the deep from The Professors bowling.  Mark Mitchell has been destroying attacks all season and his entry saw Your Brave Leader™ execute his “one too many overs” plan with not only one bowler, but two!  So….it was time for the Skipper to bring on the spinners before his figures were completely wrecked.  Wincanton only know one way to play, and they continued to attack.  However, it was time for The Destroyer to return to some old form…he captured the two big wickets of Ben Hurlock for a subdued but well constructed 60 and the dangerous Mitchell for 30.  From there, Golden Boy and The Destroyer were simply dominant.  Wincanton went at them but their spin and control was too much, capturing the last 5 wickets for 22 runs, including yet another stumping to superstar wicketkeeper Rayzzo!  Wincanton had seriously faltered.  After looking like they might have a total of around 250 they were skittled for 178.  What was remarkable in the innings was that each time KSCC gave up a chance on a wicket, the batsman served up another not long after.  Very polite indeed!

                After an absolutely splendid tea, the KSCC opening pair of the Anternator and El Capitan made their way out to the middle.  It was a steady if fairly unspectacular start, with the pair keeping the run-rate within sight.  While the Anternator looked well organised, picking of singles to rotate the strike and occasionally unleashing what must be the most formidable lofted drive in Somerset cricket today, the Skipper was busy going nowhere in a hurry at the other end.  Besides the odd full faced drive, the switch was stuck firmly in the “CUT” position as the dastardly Wincanton deployed their spinners early.  Eventually, something had to happen and El Capitan finally broke his shackles with a  lofted drive for 6 and the unusual occurrence of a successfully executed sweep shot for 4.  Anternator clubbed his own six and things were looking well in hand with the score passing 100 in the 26^th over and plenty of batting to come.  And see that batting we did, however briefly, as KSCC executed a spectacular sequence of implosions to lose 4 quick wickets.  Ant found himself stranded down the track looking for his  50.  Jules was bowled through the gate first ball.  The Skipper tried to execute another sweep and was, once again, clean bowled by a spinner with an innocuous nothing ball that must have had Nathan Hauritz salivating for a bowl.  Charlie Pelham never looked in and was back in the hutch a few balls later after tamely prodding it to cover and suddenly it was game on with KSCC rocking at 117/4 after a 108 run opening partnership!  Thus began the consolidation.  I still can’t believe it when I look in the book but there are 8 consecutive singles logged next to Biffer Burles there which might be a personal record.  He and a rejuvenated Jon Rowe worked hard to re-establish the innings before Biffer unleashed an artillery shot that sailed well beyond cow corner.  He was soon back in the pavilion not long after but the job had been done and order re-established.  The Professor then set about finishing the task with some classic stroke play reminiscent of his days of yore.  It was with the calmest of legside clips that Rayzzo scored the winning (and his only) runs of the game to take KSCC to a great victory, 181 for 5.

                I can’t remember the last time we took 70 points off Wincanton in a season, but then again I can’t remember where I left my passport so that’s no big thing.  Whichever way you look at it, it was a good win against a Winci side that looked a little off all day…but we will take ‘em.  It also consolidates us in the top half of the table and means that we have finally beaten some decent opposition at home this year!  It was a much better effort from the lads after a disappointing few weeks.

                Bowling:                               o             m            r              w

                                S Churchill           8              0            31            4

                                F Barton              6.1          0             18            3

                                S Snook              9              3            33            2

                                J Rowe                8              3            32            1

                Batting:

                                C Hansen             55

                                A Williams           48

                                J Rowe                  40*

                                D Burles               19

2010 - Game 10 - Sat 26/06 - KSCC 1s v Fitzhead

               Making hard work of it is, for some people, a way of life.  As I had to explain repeatedly to a lovely old northern gentleman several times over the space of minutes and then hours on the weekend, this is nothing to do do with the new generation being afraid of a days hard graft are you sure you used to lay railway sleepers with your teeth yes, I do have a job actually I work with computers well, it is a job really I do get paid for it you know yes, I know I have soft hands like a lady thank you for pointing that out now I don’t think theres any need for that kind of language sir I’m sorry I didn’t catch that no, I am not from South Africa yes, I was aware that you were stationed in Australia briefly during the war as you told me a little while ago yes, Melbourne is a lovely city but no, I am not from there and I am not sure that you could still get your shoes repaired for nowt at that cobblers on the corner no, I am not sure what that street was called no, I don’t know Bill Mayweather from Fitzroy yes, the weather really is perking up isn’t it lovely could be a real cracker no, I don’t remember the summer of 1967 but I am sure it was great so, I really must go as I have to get some work done before Monday no, I won’t be heading down into the mines that’s not what I do for a living <sigh> no, it has nothing to do with the new generation being afraid of a hard days graft….

                Kilmington and Stourton were looking to rebound from an absolute schmacking from Curry Rivel by welcoming divisional strugglers Fitzhead to what was a hot baked KSCC.  Fitzhead were without a win to date and, with the wicket looking so flat you could sail a ship off the edge of it into the abyss, it looked like a good day was in the offing for a powerful KSCC batting unit.  When Your Brave leader™ won the toss, the opposition captain did not even wait to ask what we would do and promptly got his bowlers prepared for a day in the field.

                The first innings started brightly enough, with Messrs Hansen and Williams making early headway.  Certainly, a 15 run first over was the sort of statement of intent usually reserved for German panzer divisions heading in an easterly direction.  However, the Skipper (15) fell for the trap that was set him as a blistering drive went low to the man at short cover who snaffled it up in good fashion, expertly not moving at all and taking a grab close to the floor.  The Sheik and The Anternator continued the ball rolling with some positive shots and making use of a quick, dry outfield.  However, the second step in the self-destruct sequence was offered up by The Anternator who went back to the spinner and promptly destroyed the off-bail with his flashing blade.  Quite what the bail had done to deserve this was never quite established, but whatever it was it left the big man steaming as he walked off the ground for 20. And so another handy partnership formed between the blisteringly fast Jules Cosby and the slightly less athletic Biffer Burles.  They kept the scoreboard moving and the boundaries coming.  The story gets a little bit murky here as I was busy sorting out stuff in the clubhouse but, what I am sure of is that when I left we looked in total control and then, in a pretty small space of time, both men had walked past me into the changing rooms.  However, some expert journalism and historical research has uncovered that at least one of those men was caught out in the deep and that the other one was out some other way.  Either way you look at it, both were undone all on their own and another 2 good starts were wasted.  By some coincidence, both were out caught off the bowling of Greenway for 28.  So it was once again down to those most silent of partners, The Professor and Rayzzo.   They kept the scoreboard ticking over with singles all over the place…and one straight four from Jon nearly killed the non-striker, the bowler and the umpire in what would have been an elusive Yo Gotti “Happy Birthday” Crack Shot.  Rayzzo (27) eventually joined the twenty club, finding himself out of his crease to the spinner.  Livewire Benny and Jonny then started some hustle between the stumps to keep things going.  Benny (18) got cleaned up looking for runs and The Professor (45) was left reassessing the figures when he also found himself down the wicket with the ball residing in the wicket keepers gloves.  It was a good comeback to form for The Professor and very pleasing to watch.  Freddie, Tommy B and Spence all made valuable cameos at the end to keep the scoreboard going up but it never quite reached the heights it should have.  Kilmington finished on a very defendable 238/7 but could have been looking at a much bigger total if some big scores could have been made at the top.

                Tea included some St Georges Flag cupcakes that tasted a little like disappointment, made with a lot of very expensive ingredients that probably shouldn’t be mixed together and put in a World Cup.  Fitzhead came out after the break and looked to throw caution to the Wind, Earth, Fire, Cosby, Stills, Nash, Young and that tall bearded one from the Bee Gees who still won’t admit that his trousers were too tight.  The openers made a pretty decent start against Tommy B and The Strangler.  Without much chance and the odd lusty blow, they were making solid headway.  Tommy found his way through the opener with a rare yorker, but that was about it.  The Destroyer came on early and was handled with relative ease.  Livewire had a decent spell but gave up a four ball an over.  Once again Skippy was left scratching his head as to where to go and what to do next.  Not one of the great thinkers of the game, he turned to his regular bowlers…Golden Boy Freddie Barton, who found turn and looked threatening from the get go.  Fitzhead were travelling along with the rate and El Capitan was desperate for a break through.  The recalled Tommy B was treated with complete disdain by the number 3 who played some of the most audacious shots this side of the NBA All-Star game.  The Anternator came on for a short spell and, despite the captains field placings, secured the wicket of the opposition skipper for 51.  Freddie picked up one and then a second to get the ball rolling wickets wise.  Another bowling change later, Biffer Burles removed the dangerous hitter for a cold-sweat-inducing 71.  Freddie struck twice more before his brother was once again brought back and sent packing by some crazy shots.  It was down to another change that saw Snooky staggering down the unfamiliar top end of the wicket to grab 3 wickets in one over to close out the game and vastly improve his figures!  Fitzhead ended up on 206 from 44 overs…but it was even closer than that.

                Thanks to their weak lower order, KSCC were able to steal all 35 points.  However, vast improvements are needed in all areas this week for the big game against Wincanton.  We made very hard work of a game that we should have won easily and need to find a few extra gears come Saturday.

Batting:

                J Rowe                  54

                J Cosby                 28

                D Burles               28

                R Rose                  27

Bowling:                               o             m            r              w           

                F Barton               10           2              31           4

                S Snook                9              0              32           3

                D Burles               3              1              12           1

                A Williams           3              0              17           1

                T Barton               10           2              56           1             

Out,

Skippy

2010 - Game 9 - Sat 19/06 - KSCC 1s @ Curry Rivel

The following is supplied to assist with the inquiry into the last reported action of Kilmington and Stourton First  Squad, as recorded by the only known survivor, Signals Officer Lieutenant Don Kennington.  This account is the only account from reliable sources currently known to exist outside of enemy hands.

Date of Action : 19/06/2010

Time of Action : 14:00pm to 19:00pm

Location : Curry Rivel Cricket Club

                The day started like any other on the front line.  The weather was pleasantly sunny, though not too warm, and there was a buzz of excitement around the unit that afternoon.  We were welcoming back Officer Cadet Charlie Pelham (Pellers) from his posting at the Officers Academy.  This was his second stint out of the unit to attend the Academy after last year mistakenly being billeted at a school for hippies, learning how to chain himself to tractors and climbing trees.  He was full of excitement, so Captain Chris Hansen (Skippy) made the decision to organise a foray into enemy territory for that afternoon.  He gathered Pellers, Corporal Ant Williams (The Anternator) and Second Lieutenant Jules Cosby (Sheik) to make a reconnaissance raid on the Curry Rivel lines.  Pellers was taking the place in this group of 4 usually occupied by Lieutenant Jon Rowe (The Professor), who was convalescing in the medical tent having shot himself in the foot for the fourth time this year.  I was able to observe the raid from my observation point several miles away.

                It did not take long for the action to start.  Skippy and The Anternator took the lead and managed to capture one of the opening sentries within moments.  The young lad would have been spraying bullets all over the place if his magazine wasn’t sitting on the table next to him.  Our chaps were causing no end of trouble in the enemy ranks and they were picking off targets and moving up the line at a decent pace.  Unfortunately, just as they looked like getting really stuck in, a round exploded in the barrel of Ants rifle and he had to make his way back to our lines.  The Sheik stepped into the breach smoothly, and he and Skippy made their way into a series of trench fortifications with no letup, clearing the way easily.  I could see their helmets dashing from one corner to the next and hear the brief exchanges of fire before they moved to their next position.  At one point, Skippy went down under a hail of fire, but it turned out he had only been shot through his pant leg and so immediately returned fire.  Not long after that though, Sheik was being helped back by one of the other lads.  Apparently, after so many corners, he misjudged a straight dash and slammed straight into a wall, arms and legs all over the place.  That left just Pellers left to lend a hand, but the next squad was already kitted up and itching to let loose some of the heavier weaponry available.  For a while, Pellers didn’t quite look like he knew which end of his rifle to point at the enemy, and found himself hopping around and hiding in cover waiting for things to die down.  At one point, he looked like he was trying to make a barrier with some tables, chairs and used shell casings.  Skippy finally yelled something in an indecipherable foreign language at him and, like something in an action film, he stood up and started firing from the hip all over the place.  Skippy was starting to run out of ammunition and, having hurled his rifle at the enemy and then tried to cobble together a make-shift catapult using matchsticks, he found himself surrounded and beat a hasty retreat in time for the heavy machine guns to arrive.  However, the operational end time was being reached and so they threw themselves in with abandon and returned almost as quickly.  Staff Sergeant Duncan Burles (Biffer), Sergeant Ray Rose (Rayzzo) and The Professor all waded in but were pushed back.  The Professors bad run continued, as his helmet fell over his eyes and he was struck by a bullet that may have travelled from a skirmish several miles away.  Regimental Sergeant Major Simon Snook (Strangler) eventually called an end to proceedings, lobbing a grenade into an enemy emplacement and the boys all returned full of beans.  Even Pellers had managed to bloody the nose of the odd Curry Rivel trooper on the way.

                We sat down for a meal of gruel and mud, before resuming our defensive positions to see that the other lot were going to do in response.  Almost immediately, there was the horrifying sound of falling artillery shells.  The bombardment was prolonged, intense and accurate.  Private Tom Barton (Tommy B) and Strangler immediately manned their LMGs to meet the infantry that were strolling through the explosions and shrapnel of the exploding earth.  While the rest of us huddled in our fox holes, both let rip.  However, they were almost immediately forced to retreat into their trenches as the artillery continued to rain down.  The Professor let out a minor riposte while Skippy commanded Biffer to set up his heavy mortar on the left flank.  Bombadier Spencer Churchill (Destroyer) then set up on the right flank and, for a brief moment, the shells grew more sparse and it looked like the attack may have finished.  Spencer even saw a man fall under his umbrella of fire and the men of KS 1sts started to rise out of their defensive positions.  However, the fire resumed louder than ever and they were sent scurrying back into their holes.  Young Private Freddie Barton (Golden Boy) was thrust by Skippy up into the fire and he stood firm amongst a withering barrage but still they came.  Various rumours were now flooding through the ranks that aliens had landed to destroy us all, that one Curry Rivel soldier had caught one of Tommy Bs bullets with his teeth and that one of the enemy had unloaded the bullets from his weapon and was firing them out of his eyes!  Anternator eventually stood up and unloaded the last rounds from his sidearm to cover the retreat of the others as our boys staggered off into the smoke, taking down one of the oncoming formation.  Tommy B was screaming to let him back on the LMG but the last thing I saw was Skippy dragging him into a hedge just before the whole area was levelled by one last barrage.

               

                KSCC : 238/6

                CRCC : 240/2 (39.2 overs)

Batting:

                C Hansen                             79

                C Pelham                             64*

                A Williams                           26

Bowling:                               o             m            r              w

                A Williams           3.2          0              22           1

                S Churchill           7              0              46           1 

2010 - Game 8 - Sat 12/06 - KSCC 1s v Middlezoy

                Mike Brearley is possibly the most famous cricket captain to be selected more for his abilities to defeat his opponents through strategy and leadership than with either bat or ball.  However, this greatly undersells the influence of former Shangai Shangaiians captain Sun Tzu on not only captaincy, but also the general thinking on cricket.  Though he was known to favour cover driving with chopsticks rather than a cricket bat, his treatise on cricket zen called The Art of War was described by Wisden in the 6^th century BC as having “the greatest impact on modern cricket since the invention of the 4 pint cardboard cupholder”.  Among his many musings on topics such as Tactical Dispositions, Waging War and Maneuvering, it is his thoughts on Terrain that ride most striking considering the current predicament of the elite Kilmington and Stourton First Regiment.  To know the terrain and to play to the specific advantages and disadvantages of that terrain is of the utmost importance.  One may not have more knowledge of that terrain than in their own province.  The much discussed “home ground advantage”.  The home ground advantage brings an intimate knowledge of methods to the home teams game…every blade of grass, every bump, every rabbit hole, every large seagull dropping splattered across the wicket is to be nurtured and learned so that, when the enemy arrives, any opponent equal to or lesser in skill and voracity than the home team will be swept aside by the stinging winds of local victory.  Aside from the terrain itself, a home game brings the roar of the crowd for every boundary struck and every wicket taken that elevates the home side into an exalted position reserved for the mightiest heroes of battle or reality television. 

                Kilmington and Stourton hosted friendly rivals Middlezoy in what was a top of the table clash, both teams having a game in hand thanks to the earlier rearranged fixture where KSCC came away clear winners and doing the job with only 10 men.  Middlezoy are an accomplished outfit, however, and a team not be taken lightly.  With Duncan Burles needing a week off after so much bat swinging, local hero Nick Second Rowe turned out for his annual fixture.  The pitch had sweated a little under the covers after a wet week, but still looked good.  Middlezoy won the toss and elected to have a bowl.

                There are few things as daunting as facing a fit and rampaging Nemesis Barnard.  He found instant pace, swing and movement off the pitch…as usual, he was well served by his partner in crime Ben Warren, who’s left arm swingers tied down the openers.  It was a sluggish start to the run scoring, but wickets were being kept intact….until an out of sorts El Capitan smashed one backward of square straight to backward point…possibly the only catch that particular gentleman will ever take in his entire cricketing career.  Unfortunately, most of what follows I have to report by word of mouth as I missed almost the whole thing running various errands.  However, I am assured that what I missed was a partnership of the highest class.  Sheik Cosby-el-Gasper joined the Anternator to repel the Middlezoy attack and raise the run-rate at an alarming rate.  Their rollicking partnership of 101 came in only 15 overs.  The Anternator set about some very batsman-like striking of the ball while the Sheik dug a tunnel under the inner fielding ring and proceeded to sell scented toilet paper to the out fielders.  Bowlers came and went during the run-fest but to no avail.  Eventually, the fun ended when Anter (61) bounced down the wicket to the spinner but miscued to the waiting hands of point.  The Professors horror run continued with a  first ball quacker and, not long after, Jules (37) was out skying a full bunger to fine leg.  In a blow to anti-racial stereotyping groups around the county, The Sheik could be found gesticulating and yelling that it was a no-ball for the next 5 hours and, at one point, threatened to set the umpires house on fire and steal his goats.  His wicket, no matter how lucky/unlucky, put the brakes on the innings.  Rayzzo (18) couldn’t find anyone to rebuild the innings with as batsman after batsman found themselves tied up and unable to rotate the strike in the face of the returning Barnard and Warren.  Only a late flurry from Spence and Snooky took the score to 187/9 from our 45.  A disappointing return from a good batting line-up after a stellar second wicket partnership.

                 The early signs were not good for KSCC when young superstar Tom Barton broke down after 2 overs and had to be pushed off the pitch and parked at gully.  Livewire Benny stepped in to fill the breach and secured the first wicket with an off-speed yorker that did the batsman all ends up.  However, the real magic was being reeled off from the other end.  The Strangler set about choking up one end with an incredible 5 consecutive maidens with a precise line and cunning cutters.  He didn’t claim any wickets, but his first 8 over spell went for only 7 runs before he was brought off to be saved for his main opponent, Nemisis Barnard, who he has enjoyed success against in the past.  Unfortunately, El Capitan bowled 2 overs of complete muck and had to be replaced by Freddie Barton.  The Professor has been doing the business with the ball rather than the bat this season and his first 5 overs captured a wicket for only 11 runs in return.  He lost his way a bit in the last one, but the pressure was still being applied.  Spin twins Freddie and the slightly older twin, The Destroyer, captured important wickets without going for too many.  The entry of Barnard saw the return of Snooky and battle commenced.  Once again, Snooky was all over Nemisis and, with Spence nabbing another batsman stumped by Rayzzo the game was on.  However, once again KSCC fell victim to another counterattack and Middlezoy blazed 25 from 3 overs (including 11 from the last Snooky over to ruin his figures).  The game went into the last over but they only required one ball to find the boundary and relegate KSCC to another home loss.

                So this year, we are 5 of 5 away from home and 0 from 3 on our own turf.  All 3 games we have lost have made it into the last over, which is a credit, but on each occasion we simply have not managed to put enough runs on the board to defend.

                Batting:

                A Williams                             61

                J Cosby                                 37

                R Rose                                  18

                Bowling:                               o             m            r              w

                S Churchill                           7              0              31           2

                F Barton                               8             0              47           2

                J Rowe                                5.1           2              25           1

                B Chant                               7              0              29           1

                S Snook****                     12             5              29           0

Until next week,

Skippy

2010 - Game 7 - Sat 05/06 - KSCC 1s @ Lydford

Historical Note: The World Cup in South Africa was coming and the Deep Horizon oil well continued to spew oil into the Gulf of Mexico.

         

           What is it that possesses 11 men to walk onto the field, confront another 11 men from another team and enter gladiatorial combat for the simple joy of scoring more than their opponents?  More than that…through what logical maze of religious fervor and cultural what-not must we traverse to get from that little field of 22 oddly dressed gentlemen to a thousand St George flags flapping from every window, pole, ledge and slightly exposed builders butt crack from every corner of the land?   In my most tormented of days, this observation is made sitting in my car on the way home from work listening to Mr Blofeld triumphantly announcing that a spritely Mr Flintoff has just had Mr Gilchrist caught behind…again.  However, it is impossible to escape the relentless sea of red and white currently on display in support of another epic sporting encounter, The World Cup.  A keen sportsman embraces everything from the simple (football, lawn bowls, full contact Solitaire) to the unexplainable (cricket, european handball, Extreme Fiscal Policy) for the pure joy of competition, and I am no different.  It has not escaped observation that our beloved game of cricket shares the same number of players as the football that is now gripping the worlds imagination.  With the constant grab for cash sparked by such ventures as the IPL and deep-sea oil well curling, it seems that the obvious move for the ICC is the investigate merging these two sports for a once a year playoff between the two codes in a seemingly mind-boggling fusion sport I call Socket.  For the last 8 years I have lobbied for Socket as the Esperanto of the sports world, only to be mocked from Wembley to St James, but this year is my best chance yet.  With England defenders dropping like English fast bowlers, it’s only a matter of time before Mr Capello is faced with the prospect of either selecting Sol Campbell or, in a more adventurous piece of genius, Paul Collingwood!  Imagine if Geoffrey Boycott had been standing between the goal posts…surely more triumphs would have followed 1966.  My proposal is as simple as it is guaranteed to succeed.

Socket: The game takes place on a regulation football pitch and played with a  football, naturally with 11 men per side.  Rather than a specialist goalkeeper, each man on the team may be required to goal keep at some point.  The first goalkeeper for a team is nominated at the start of the game and they don the pads, helmet and cricket bat of the familiar cricket batsman.  The game of football then proceeds in the way of a normal football game…however, if the goalkeeper is able to make a save with his bat and push the ball out of bounds, he scores 4 and 6 if it clears the sideline on the full.  If he is able to make the save and dash to the top of the goalsquare, he gets 1 run, however, this obviuosly introduces the chance of a goal being scored while he is running.  If a goal is scored, then the goalkeeper is out and the next designated player must exchange places, don the pads and take his place.  Like cricket, the game is concluded once every teams goalkeepers have been expended and the scores tallied.  Simple!  Of course, this is the brief summary and the actual rules I have compiled run to several awe inspiring volumes but that’s about it.

                In it’s first trial game at the spiritual home of Socket (London Fields in Hackney), the game lasted a marathon 3 days without break.  This was due mostly to no one understanding the rules, only one player having ever had any experience in either football or cricket and a local youth stabbing the football 20 times late on the Saturday night of the Bank Holiday weekend, but it was still a resounding success (if you discount several concussions experienced by players of both sides when the keeper came out to clear a corner).

                 Kilmington travelled to a struggling Lydford with only one change from the team that toiled manfully to victory at wet Long Sutton.  The man who has turned gully (a position that unfortunately does not exist in the vibrant world of Socket) into the most electrifying position in modern cricket, Andy Reid, made way for the return of Kilmingtons man at number 3, Jules Cosby (recovered at great expense to the club after a 9 month search in the deserts of North Africa).  However, the day was more suited to someone studying Oma Lung than Arabic, with humidity high and orangutan sightings all through the Mendips.  The ground looked picturesque, with a thick covering of grass that could have had several Spitfires parked beside it in it’s hey day.  On such a track, KSCC won the toss and elected to bat to try and bat the opposition out of the game.

                The going was quick early from El Capitan and The Anternator.  While the Lydford captain set about bowling a very impressive spell of outswing bowling from one end, his brother was busy leaking runs from the other at a considerable rate.  Anter middled a couple from his new bat that no doubt pleased the young man and has SCL bowlers wondering if any boundary will be able to contain him this year.  However, stepping back and across to the outswing bowler proved fatal and he was gone early.  Jules arrived at the wicket for his first innings of the year also sporting a new bat, and proceeded to barter with the umpire immediately…securing 4 camels and a promise that the first lbw shout would be given not out.  He immediately looked in good touch but was unfortunate enough to find the square leg fielder when solidly clipping a ball leg side.  The Professor showed that he has got World Cup fever (and Brazilian flair, quoting that having a Brazilian was more than a fashion statement but a way of life) in bucket loads, taking a ball from outside leg stump and deftly back-heeling it onto his wicket.  KSCC were cruising along at 5-plus an over but 3 big wickets were back in the hutch.  This early period was punctuated by some sumptuous drives from Your Brave Leader™ with the ball hardly ever leaving the deck.  Biffer Burles arrived to circumspectly strike the form bowler for 6 over his head after being beaten a couple of times (openly admitting to the bowler that the bowler was still up in the over).  Having finally seen off the efforts of T Lamb (who bowled extremely well in a 12 over stint, 35/2 was brilliant considering the carnage at the other end), Your Brave Leader™ once again imploded in the opening over of dibbly dobbly spin, failing to pull a ball off middle stump and once again watching a big score go begging, out for 59.  This brought together Clubber Twins, Biffer Burles and Rayzzo.  Duncans striking was formidable, hitting one mighty, meaty six over the long cow corner boundary into the neighbouring field and then a couple of flat sixes that should, by rights, have killed someone.  At the other end, Ray was middling the ball (though finding fielders a bit more often), and the pair gave the innings a boost.  Duncan was finally out EXHAUSTED b. PAYNE for an impressive 79, and Ray was back in the pavilion for a timely and enjoyable 37.  This didn’t signal the end, as KSCC continued to provide quick runs in the final overs.  The innings closed on a satisfactory 257/8.

                An enjoybale communal tea ensued, and was followed in the traditional manner with the second innings.  KSCC set an aggressive field early, but one of the shots of the day came when the young Lydford opener decided to ignore the close leg side catcher and dispatch a cracking pull shot straight from a Tom Barton lightning bolt.  That would be one of the few highlights for Lydford though.  Tom Barton was pacy, but it was The Strangler turning back the clock from the other end that was the revelation.  Snooky found his persistent line and length and drew block after block from the Lydford batsmen.  In a turn for the books, he also found his way through a couple of times.  He chipped in with a great slips catch from Tommy B’s bowling, and then followed up with the wicket of the handy young opener.  The Professor chipped in with a very useful little spell and, by the time Spencer was due to arrive the opposition were already down and out at about 47/6 near the 20 over mark.  Snooky pounded his way through all 12 overs in a row, claiming 3 big wickets.  This weeks hero was replaced by last weeks as Tom Reid came on to help close out the innings.  Spencer looked dangerous and claimed 2 of the final wickets while the tail was wagging.  The innings (Lydford having been reduced to 10 after the break) was wrapped up with a great catch by Rayzzo, standing up to Tom Reid.  The game was well and truly over, Lydford all out for 119.

Batting:

                D Burles                               79

                C Hansen                             59

                R Rose                                 37

                T Reid                                  16*

Bowling:                               o             m            r              w

                S Snook              12            3              36           3

                T Barton              7              3              13           2

                S Churchill           5              2              18           2

                J Rowe                5              2              13           1

                T Reid                  4.4          0              34           1

                It was comprehensive, and somehow we didn’t lose any players walking to the pub from the carpark alongside hurtling traffic…so all in all a good day!  This week we welcome Middlezoy and hope to get 2 wins over them for the season.

Cheers all,

Skippy 

2010 - Game 6 - Sat 29/05 - KSCC 1s @ Long Sutton

    Hard graft.  The ability to knuckle down in a tough situation and get the job done.  This, above pure skill or stylish technique, is, among those of us without pure skill or stylish technique, that most admirable of attributes.  This sort of mental toughness is one of those qualities that is immeasurable in pure statistics.  The most recent attempt by reknowned statistician and sports physicist, Karl Wonderbra (a stage name, his real name of Karl Eindershneider was not considered catchy enough for the showbiz sports physics crowd), was discredited when, after several years of research and calculations, he reasoned that the gutsiest batsman in the game today was none other than Ian Bell.  This appreciation of hard work in this most elegant of sports harks back to the original professional games of the modern era, which took place inside the coal pits of Cumbria.  Here, to the amusement of the local landowners who funded the games, each run had to be earned by digging ones way with a cricket bat from one shaft into the next.  Although interesting sport, these games have since been termed the "Space Race of the North" as they spawned numerous technological advances, such as the white cricket ball and the mine canary (required due to the growing popularity of egg mayo sandwiches at tea).
    The Kilmington and Stourton First XI arrived at Long Sutton on yet another wet day.  There had been light to heavy rain all morning and the ground was surrounded with clouds and the distant haze of precipitation on the surrounding hills.  However, the pitch wasn't holding up too badly and a light wind was drying the surface nicely.  KSCC won the toss and elected to bowl to take advantage of the new ball before the rain arrived.
     Tom Barton has been the form bowler of this year, and he did not fail to bring his A-game with a maiden to start.  Meanwhile, The Strangler Snooky took a fair bit of punishment from the other end as the Long Sutton batsman looked for an explosive start.  The ball fair whistled to the boundary in every direction in a mixture of chancy and classy shots.  Long Sutton were moving at more than 6 an over after the first half dozen...but Snooky's tenacity shone through in the end with a couple of maidens and then a wicket maiden to back up Tom's work form the other end, which had also garnered a wicket.  A short rain break arrived and altered the face of the game significantly.  After looking placid and even to start with, suddenly the ball was rising off a length as it punched through the top.  That didn't stop the still positive batsmen from having a fly at Ben Chant and Jon Rowe...and despite Tom only going for 2 an over in his 7, Long sutton had reached an imposing 121/2 in the 22nd over.  The Other Tom, Tom Reid, then arrived to turn the innings on it's head.  Reid Jr joined the rest in taking a bit of stick in his first couple of overs, but with his 12th ball he found the edge and Rayzzo collected the first of 5 catches for the day.  Usually the Destroy-o-matic is wheeled out to the middle of the wicket by a couple of draft horses and a gravity assist maneuver.  However this week, Spence fairly cartwheeled to the wicket and joined in the fun, opening with a maiden and a wicket maiden.  Tom Reid had another couple caught behind off shorter balls that shot up off the surface and it was game on.  The innings was then put on ice when The Destroyer was joined by the returning Tom Barton.  Spence found back to back wicket maidens and then Tommy B removed the last 2 batsman in the same over to close Long Sutton out on 144 off only 35.3 overs.  It was a remarkable turnaround, with Long Sutton losing 8 wickets for 23 runs in about 13 overs.
     Tea was tasting grand for the reason that it could be eaten inside, but the KSCC openers strode to the wicket knowing that it was going to be a challenge to get going.  The Long Sutton bowlers were perfect for the situation....quickish medium pace, straight and just back of a length.  El Capitan never looked anything other than a limpet and the usually boisterous Anter was being tied in knots with shorter straight balls and an aggressive catching leg side field.  There was yet another rain break before Your Brave Leader(TM) eventually tried a cover drive and holed out at point for a lowly 7.  At this stage, KSCC were weathering the storm at only 34 from 14 overs.  Andy Reid was looking reasonably comfortable but departed when trapped in front.  Meanwhile, Anter was eventually caught out for a chanceless 28.  It was chanceless because, to call the 3 times he was dropped chances is to undermine the very notion that there could be any other outcome than being caught out...a couple of them defied belief and had locals worshiping him as some form of minor deity.  There is no doubt though, that these were incredibly important runs in the context of the game.  The Professor and Biffer Burles had decided that enough was enough and tried to play their way through the conditions.  This resulted in an interesting combination of great shots and blows to the arms and chest.  Duncan took one square in the chest that left an Iron Man like mark at the end of the game.  Jon was caught behind eventually but this only brought to the crease Rayzzo, who was in no mood to tip toe around.  He and Duncan were making great headway before Dunc holed out.  Ray's innings was heroic, and in every true hero there is generosity and understanding...especially with ones fellow stumpmen.  It could only be this charity that led Ray to edge the ball behind and, with the ball dribbling along the ground behind the collapsed wicketkeeper, to park his bat under his arm and stroll away...with Ben Chant screaming at him for a single.  Ben Chant made an instant impact but found it difficult to scramble back into the crease while laying face down in the middle of the wicket (spikes next time young fella!).  Tom Reid arrived at the crease to take positivity into the ultra range, and he and Ray took the scores to level with a couple of overs still in hand.  Ray then attempted to hoik one deep, only to be bowled with scores level...but the job was done.  Tom Barton loves a challenge, and he happily stood at the non-strikers end without facing a ball as Tom Reid smote a boundary to mid-wicket to close out the game.
     It was truly an effort of grit and determination, and I am most proud of our outfit for taking away all 35 points given that the opposition made the most of the best conditions.  Tommy's B and R shared the bowling honours with Spence, and the middle order stood up to be counted this week and sealed the game for us.
    Bowling:        o     m     r     w
      T Barton   8.3     0     15     3
      S Curchill    7     4     14     3
      T Reid         7     3     19     3

   Batting:
       R Rose         39
       A Williams    28
       D Burles       22
       J Rowe         18

     So this week..the weather is grand and we head to lowly Lydford to see if we can't do our trick of losing to the bottom teams and beating the top ones.  Our away record is as impressive as our home record is poor...so our chances of a win are up there.
Until next week,
Skip

2010 - Game 5 - Sat 22/05 - KSCC 1s v Huish and Langport

Historical Note:  The week saw the 70th anniversary of the evacuation of Dunkirk.  The return of the "little ships" was a main news feature for the whole week.

The Big Red Button, The Brain Explosion, The Great Collapse, The Inexplicable Self Destruct, The WTF to end all WTF’s.  We’ve all been there…one minute everything is going well, then you burn your toast and, 10 minutes of madness later, you have accidently flushed your shoe down the toilet and there is a mariachi band playing in your bedroom cupboard.  While that was one hell of a weekend that I will never forget, this form of self combustion is a regular occurrence at the mighty Kilmington and Stourton Cricket Club.  While recent years have been furnished with several notable collapses, the phenomenon stretches further back in modern history.  Only this week, to mark the 70^th anniversary of the event, 2^nd XI fast bowling sensation and club stalwart, Charles Spencer, recounted his personal experiences as several of the lads, amidst machine gun and artillery fire, refused to leave the beaches of Dunkirk until they had heard over command radio communications if the last 7 Kilmington wickets had really fallen in 8 balls.  Arguably the most dramatic collapse was recorded in 1337 when the touring side Valois Venturers ripped through the last 9 wickets of the KSCC side, featuring several young players from the House of Plantagenet, after Kilmington had already won the game and insisting that the last 5 wickets had fallen for minus 58 runs.  Such an obvious case of cheating (though the rules of cricket were still a bit sketchy at this stage) was insufferable for the KSCC committee, and they duly responded by invading France.  This resulted in several very testy fixtures, culminating in a game at the Agincourt Recreational Ground that was also notable in that every bowler coming up the hill had awful figures, usually punctured with arrows. 

                The Saturday in the here and now, 22^nd of May 2010, was magnificent.  I record the exact date so that our brethren may note that, in 1000 years, when they have their next sunny day, it is not the result of impending doom from the Giant Microwave that scientists say has engulfed the Earth.  The sun was shining, the air was warm and both teams arrived at the ground keen to play cricket in weather suitable for such an event.  Fellow promotion team Huish and Langport had started the season with a couple of big wins so it was going to be a day of high competition.  Your Brave Leader ™ won the toss and elected to bat so his team, which only the week before was in danger of being cryogenically frozen to the horror of future generations, did not melt (to the horror of a rejoicing current generation).  The KSCC track was covered in some rough grass but was very hard.  The opposition featured one of the best bowlers from the last year, Mr Shillabeer (my favourite name in the competition).  He started as expected, with pace, accuracy and moving the ball both ways.  Planning on survival in his overs, Ant Williams and El Capitan focussed on pinching runs at the other end from the less threatening partner in crime.  Ant struggled early to find the middle of the bat, but the scoring was maintained by The Skipper with some well struck boundaries reminiscent of his early season form.  Once Ant started to find his way, runs came in a hurry…including a typically belligerent six.  Shillabeer’s first spell was seen off without gaining many runs, but importantly not losing any wickets.  By the first drinks break at 15 overs, KSCC were ticking away nicely at 4 an over without any wickets down.  Not long after the break, Anter miscued a drive that was catching practice for the straight fielder.  Ray strode to the crease and immediately looked out of form.  Most disturbing of all though, was the shiner he had copped from a bail while keeping wicket mid-week.  While there was no swelling, it did look like we was wearing heavy eyeliner on one side….Ray had gone all Emo.  Ray still managed to scratch out a living though, and it was his partner that provided to disaster.  They said it couldn’t be done, but being successful in any walk of life is all about doing the impossible.  In a shot at least 3 shocker points higher than last weeks ultimate shocker, The Skipper abandoned his previously conservative play and pranced down the wicket…attempted an almighty heave across the line to the spinner and was bowled.  Only a couple of overs before, he had been dropped by the same bowler, who muffed the easiest caught and bowled attempt since the One Hand/Rolling on Ground rule was abandoned by the MCC.  What ensued for the next 10 overs was a complete failure to capitalise on a good start.  In 10 overs, KSCC managed only 20 runs for the loss of 4 wickets.  The Professor, Biffer Burles, Sammy G and, finally, Lady RayRa were all dismissed and it was left to another rear guard action to try and salvage some Kilmington pride.  Ben Chant continued to be a role player at number 7, providing instant impact and urgency to the innings.  Freddie’s innings was short but in the right mode.  Tommy B looked as correct as always and Spence had a crack…their great little partnership took KSCC to 140/8.  Not much, but a total that could be defended with some effort.

                Tea was lovely, but Rays wanderlust is still in full force as he ducked off to get some milk only to be stopped at passport control in Dover.  Tommy B opened as Tommy B has bowled all year…at the moment he is top of the class, full of fire.  Snooky was returning from a sojourn in the sun in the North of Africa, but he also stepped straight back into his old mode..pegging away for ball after ball until the batsman see’s the Test Pattern and surrenders his wicket.  Tommy tore through an opener early, then number 3 and then after that it was block city.  Tom beat the bat regularly, with the batsmen dead batting anything straight….Snooky continued to test with a series of dot balls….the fielding was tight….The Professor observed the pattern and devised his formula…and after 19 exceptional overs the score was 35/2.  The Skipper then went looking for wickets with the big guns.  Dunc played his own little game within a game of Great Over/OK Over/Great Over/OK Over….Spence went all rusty gate…and Freddie gained turn but was being nudged around.  It looked like a strategic error had been made as the pair started to form a big partnership that threatened to take the game over.  Then flying out of the clouds/mid-wicket came Tommy B…underpants on the inside of his trousers but made of 100% superhero (with realistic Bowling Action).  The match turned on it’s head with a wicket maiden.  The new closer Skippy came on and duly sent a couple wayward down legside…but pinched a wicket…the bat squirted one out to square leg where Snooky set himself up for a one-handed speccy just inches off the ground.  Tommy B defied the physics of the Kilmington square and bounced the danger man out.  The safety cover was flipped off the Huish and Langport porta-Big Red Button when Shillabeer was run out in a horrible mixup (once again, Skipper and Tommy B combined).  H+L were still swinging when El Capitan cleaned up another batsman and then the game was in full flow when Tommy B nabbed another bowled.  It was thrilling stuff and the KSCC bowlers were pumped.  Each new batsman came in thinking they could hurl their bat to victory…and eventually they did.  Skippers last over went for 5…meaning they only needed one off the final over of the game with 2 wickets in hand for the win…which they pinched off the first ball.  It was an exciting last few overs and certainly everyone knew that they had been involved in a good old fashioned low-scoring ripper.  Tommy B has to take major honours for the game with an outstanding bowling performance…but in the end it was the middle sections of each innings which cost us the game.  Must do better next time.

                Batting:

                                A Williams                       34

                                C Hansen                        34

                                R Rose                           21

                                B Chant                          20

                Bowling:                               o             m            r              w

                                T Barton               11.1        5            21           5

                                C Hansen             4              1            18           2

                                S Snook               8              3           17           0

                It was a great fight back, but we need to improve and play out all 45 of each innings at home, as we do when we are away!

See y’all soon,

Skip