There are very few things that separate man from his other, occasionally more smelly, counterparts in the animal kingdom. Rational thought (and it's direct opposite, Kevin Pietersen), reasoning, tequila slammers, ASBO's and kebab shops come immediately to mind. But right up there, in the heady heights of human advantage, is the capability of complex communication. Stringing a series of thoughts and words together into a cohesive dialog designed to convey meaning to another human, hopefully capable of digesting and comprehending that information, elevate us above the apes, canines and snails that would no doubt conquer the world were we not able to ask for directions to the garden pesticide section at the local garden centre. However, sometimes our command of this important tool can abandon us when we most need it, leaving us babbling poppycock and gibberish (which in itself sounds suspiciously like poppycock and gibberish). Most of us have the luxury of doing this on a day to day basis with very few negative impacts on world events. However, those of us in absolute power that stand to leave an indelible mark on human history with every command and decision, observed (if occasionally ignored) by literally tens of people at any point in time, have no such luxury. Events during the week have led me to compile a small list of times when it is, and isn't, a good time for persons of high global standing to lose the ability to properly articulate:
OK to waffle:
- Childrens parties
- Royal weddings
- Superinjunction court hearings
- University lectures
- Victory speeches
Not OK to waffle:
- Burger King drive-thru
- Unilateral peace talks
- State dinners in Moldova (where sentences longer than 5 words have been banned as they are interpreted as insults against the first born daughter of the President for reasons that I have never been able to tactfully ask in such short sentences)
- Heckling
- Protesting in Syria
- Cricket selections
In a ground breaking week for Kilmington and Stourton first cricket, there were no less than 13 genuine front line first team players available for selection for the Saturday league fixture. What followed was a harrowing experience that the club would like that I have to suffer on a weekly basis, but which I secretly hope not to have to go through again. I would have preferred to have told a little girl that her puppy had died. Eventually, 11 were named for the game against Barrington at home.
Normal service was resumed on the captaining front, with a bearded and Australian sounding lout striding out to the middle to confidently lose the toss. Barringtons skipper sent us into bat on a decent looking wicket under clear skies.
As far as starts go, they could have been better. In the third over, Your Brave Leader(TM) was back in the hutch having chosen to swing all around a straight full toss. Not long after, Ballistic Tomlinson was also heading back, though he at least had the ability to get his pad in the way. Marley Pelham and The Professor Jon Rowe were left to try and clean up the mess, knuckling down against some decent bowling and showing a tremendous ability to pick out the fielders. Progress was solid, if slow, when The Professor spooned one uppishly to mid off. His replacement, Biffer Burles, was beaten a couple of times but he and Charlie took us through to drinks with the Kilmington Youth Brigade still yet to be deployed. Foolishly, Dunc listened to his captain when asked to up the tempo and was bowled playing a huge swipe straight after drinks. This led to a rather mystifying mini collapse through the high impact middle order. Livewire Chant was run out for 0, showing a new dedication to thoroughness that a risky single was accompanied by holding his bat an inch off the ground. Charlie Pelham was bowled by the left hand spinner(ish) bowler who had been showing immaculate line and length with his darts. The Golden Boy Freddie Barton had his early season form dented with a tragic run out without facing a delivery. Then Tom Barton showed he is still the most correct looking batsman to ever get out when he missed a straight one. A score of only just over 100 looked likely when the immaculate Sammy G, who looked in good nick from ball one, was joined by the frequently less immaculate (is that maculate?) Destroyer Churchill. Sammy used his feet frequently and timed the ball superbly to give the cover sweeper a workout. Meanwhile, the Destroyer relished his opportunity to shine with a delightful on drive and followed it with a Carribean uppercut over backward point. The partnership also provided some agressive running that put a dent in the confidence of the opposition, despite the insubstantial total. When Sammy was caught last ball, the partnership had been a quick and face saving 48 to take the total to 152/9 from 45 overs.
Some quality sandwiches were consumed at the break, including a sighting of the rare and wonderous BLT, not seen at a cricket tea for over 29 years if my records are correct. The resumption saw the introduction of the winters master plan, when Golden Boy opened the bowling from the bottom end. He extracted early turn but failed to garner the first ball wicket that El Capitan and dreamed of for those long, cold months. The initial instinct was to call for the firing squad, but attempting to learn from the lessons of my past I instead gave him another over. He and Tommy B provided a couple of tight overs that resulted in a classic spinners over....a long hop smashed to the boundary followed a couple of balls later with a wicket, which in turn led to the classic captianing blunder of giving him one more over than intended that went for a few. So finally, The Strangler was introduced and the two formed their normal combination. Snooky was relentless in his accuracy and Tommy B was too quick. Barrington were maintaining their wickets, but were unable to score at a fast rate as each ball was stopped by the solid ring field. In particular, Marley Pelham was throwing himself about and saved several runs. Tommy B was replaced from the top by the Destroyer, and the runs dried up even further as he used flight, guile and blood curdling appeals to keep the batsman in check. The Strangler took advantage, when he cleaned the opener up to complete 3 maidens in his first 4 overs. The lull continued for a few overs before Sammy G, in his keeping debut for the 1's, took an outstanding diving effort down leg side (after a nervous drop and missed stumping earlier) to deliver another wicket to Mr Snook. From there, the pressure proved too much for the Barrington batsman. The Strangler found the stumps again for his second wicket maiden after an intriguing cat and mouse with the batsman. Snooky popped up again, taking a superb slips catch for the Destroyer. Simon eventually collapsed in a heap after a monumental 12 over spell, claiming 14/3 and a respectable 6 maidens. Spencer continued on his memory though, claiming back to back wicket maidens and terminating any chance the Barrington middle order had of a come back. Tommy B blasted through number 10 and then the Livewire switched on. His first delivery nearly hit the clubhouse on the full without any assistance from the batsman, but his fourth legal delivery was lofted high to mid on where Charlie took a good catch to close out the innings.
So from a rather dubious looking batting effort, the KSCC bowlers delivered victory, backed up by some high quality fielding. Amongst them, Snooky, Spence and Tommy delivered 12 maidens...which is a huge number in a 45 over game. The partnership to finish our innings was also key.
Batting:
S Gillatt 34
C Pelham 31
S Churchill 23*
Bowling:
o m r w
S Churchill 12 4 27 4
S Snook 12 6 14 3
T Barton 10 2 22 1
F Barton 5 0 22 1
B Chant 0.4 0 4 1
Friday, 27 May 2011
2011 - Game 2 - Sat 14/05 - KSCC 1s @ Wedmore
"In every county, in every town, in every village...they walk among us." This quote, from infamous paranormal expert, extraterrestrial hunter and renowned cricket sceptic Harold Boson, started a mad hunt among the market squares of a good portion of England in 2003 when it appeared on the front pages of The Daily Express. However, despite the capture and subsequent release of a kindly old gentleman found in Shropshire attempting to fly off the top of his conservatory wearing a pair of cricket pads on his arms, very little of substance was found and the hordes returned to shuffling around Ikea.
The art of disguise and deception is an essential tool in the cricketers kit bag. This might be the subtle change of wrist position in a bowlers slower ball, the shuffle of the batsman’s feet just before delivery, the construction of an artificial harbour on the square leg boundary or the clever application of a cucumber slice on top of the last egg mayonnaise sandwich. All of these ruses are designed to gain an advantage over the opponent, to make them think that one thing is happening when, in fact, all is not as it seems.
Despite Your Brave Leader (TM) having returned from Australia, having failed to negotiate satisfactory terms with Cricket Australia to resurrect Australia cricket, Tom Barton made his way out to the toss to captain the mighty Kilmington and Stourton for a second week. In an amazing piece of cunning, he took to the field as captain clearly not wearing a moustache, glasses, voicing an antipodean twang or deliberately losing the toss. He elected to bat, thus ensuring that El Capitan had to get himself into gear.
It nearly ended before it began, but El Capitan arrived at the crease determined to play his way out of jet lag with his new chunk of willow. Dropped in the second over, he then forced his new batting partner, Mark Tomlinson, to run a few quick runs and unleashed a couple of straight sixes before spooning a pull shot straight to square leg. The pitch was a bit two paced and forced the batsman to watch and then strike out. This was shown by the great number of scoring shots that were boundaries. Rose (1x4 for 4 runs) and Rowe (1x4, 1x6 for 10 runs) came and went, before a good partnership between Mark and Biffer Burles. They turned the score over regularly, before Mark chose to take an ill advised quick single and found himself short of this ground. His 38 was welcome and include 6 fours. There was a stutter as Oli Horner and Ben Chant failed to get going...Livewire in particular failing to heed the shouts from all sides to get forward. Duncan’s burly knock closed when he was cleaned up by the spinner for 38 (his scoring shots read 4,4,4,4,4,1,6,1,4,6). That brought together the dashing Barton Academy players, Tom and Freddie. They upped the tempo to put pressure back on the Wedmore field, Freddie in particular looking to be in good knick. The real action started after the departure of Tommy B for 15. Hippie, playing his first game for KSCC, came out for the last handful of overs to make an impact. The game had to wait while the big man took out the long handle, attached another and then crafted yet another extension from the overhanging branch of a tree (showing that what youth lack today are practical skills). He then proceeded to cart the bowling over cow corner time and time again. Courtesy of his quick 34, including 2 4’s and 4 sixes, he put on a quick 45 in 4 overs with The Golden Boy (35*) to destroy the hopes of the Wedmore unit. He was eventually bowled, attempting another hoik, but the damage was done. An impressive rearguard action had taken KSCC from 137/6 to 232/9.
Not yet done, The Big Man then took the new ball. With the pitch still dubious, his perfect line, length and wily wobble combined perfectly with the raw pace of Tommy B (sound familiar to anyone?). Within 15 overs, they had decimated the Wedmore top order. Tommy B claimed the top 3, including both openers for 0. The Big Man simply bowled stump to stump to remove 4,5 and 6. The contest was effectively over at that point, Livewire Benny continued to tease with his unique combination of wickets and runs, picking up 2 genuine bowlers wickets. The Destroyer played a controlled role, with a tight 7 overs without many wicket chances, before The Golden Boy decided that anything that Benny can do, I can do better, grabbing the same number of wickets and a similar number of runs in half the deliveries. There was some impressive resistance from their number 8, Wall, who clattered a fair few 6’s in his 44, but otherwise there was little to worry the KSCC bowling attack.
So the young captain in disguise, Tommy B, starts his league career undefeated. Should he choose to remind me of that, however, he may find himself spending quite a bit of time doing hard labour.
Batting:
M Tomlinson 38
D Burles 38
F Barton 35*
G Hipworth 34
Bowling:
o m r w
G Hipworth 8 1 12 3
T Barton 7 0 21 3
F Barton 2.5 1 20 2
B Chant 5 1 23 2
S Churchill 7 1 16 0
2011 - Game 1 - Sat 07/05 - KSCC 1s v Wincanton
A dispatch from Tommy B, new vice captain and general dogs body to Your Brave Leader (TM):
The 1sts had a solid and promising start to the league season against Wincanton on Saturday.
Stand in skipper Tom Barton won the toss and decided to bat on a good pitch, hoping to control the game if it did rain and overs were lost from the second innings. A new opening pair of Mark Tomlinson and Sam Gillatt strode out to face Wincanton's medium pace seamers.
Both looked solid and accumulated runs effectively to take the score to 27 inside 6 overs before Mark chased a wide half volley and was caught at slip. Ray Rose and Sam shared a useful partnership of 33, with Ray putting away the bad ball well, before Sam departed dragging on for 18.
Ray followed him twelve runs later bowled by one that turned between bat and pad. Jon Rowe and debutant Ollie Horner put KSCC back on top with an important partnership. Ollie began slowly and was reminded repeatedly of this by some opposition members, whose sledging could only be described as ineffective and unintelligent at best. Jon rode his luck initially as a few tough chances were grassed by the usually sharp Winky fielders. However, he soon found some form, using his feet to attack the spinners, driving the ball effortlessly over the infield to continually find the ever decreasing number of vacant boundaries as fielder after fielder was pushed back. His 53 included 10 fours and with Ollie solid at the other end they added 57 at a decent run rate.
Both were caught in the outfield attempting to accelerate bringing together Ben Chant and Duncan Burles who together added a quick 30 but fell around the 170 mark just as they threatened to take the game away from Wincanton. Fortunately, by turning ones into twos and finding the occasional boundary, Freddie and Tom Barton were able to put on 35 in 5 overs before the captain was caught at long on attempting a shot beyond his batting capabilities in the 45th over. Spencer Churchill made a brief appearance in the final over, returning an impressive strike rate of 200 but more importantly a not out! Fred finished with an entertaining 30* in a total of 222-8 which the whole team (minus Derren who must be thanked for his umpiring and scoring efforts) contributed towards either in runs or presence in a partnership.
As soon as the second innings was about begin the rain came down and after an hour or more of pondering (and studying the rules for rain affected games) the match was called off. The result was a draw with us picking up 22 points and Wincanton 20. They seemed happy to escape with a draw.
Blogger MIA - returns to complete apathy
Sorry all, I have been off gallivanting back in Oz and then found myself short of time on my return. Hopefully, life will settle shortly and I can get back into rambling mode. Until then....here are the last 3 games....
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