Media reports : Match reports lacking in quality and substance

Captain agrees.  Promises that he will try harder.  Caught with fingers crossed behind back.
Apologies for the dip  in quality this year...really struggling to get into/out of the right head space.  Hopefully next year might be better.

2011 - Game 5 - Sat 04/06 - KSCC 1s v North Newton

"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are not big enough.  That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Biffer Zone."

After the disaster of the previous week, KSCC were desperate to get back into winning ways.  After winning the toss on the second attempt, Your Brave Leader (TM) elected to bat on a pretty good track that looked to have some runs in it.  From the boundary, the wicket looked superb...standing out white against the intensely green grass.  Lovely place to play cricket on its day our ground.

El Capitan started solidly, with some drives through mid off and cover.  However, Sammy G had left his fluency pants at home and was struggling against the swinging ball early on.  Things were still going well though, when El Capitan had a more-frequent-than-it-should-be brain explosion and managed to run himself out trying to sneak a non-existent and unnecessary single from a misfield.  The Anternator strode out to the middle for the first time in 2011 and immediately looked to dominate the bowling.  Sammy was still playing at ghosts at one end while Ant played some classic power drives that nearly left vapour cones in the air.  However, both followed their captain’s lead and handed their wickets away.  Sammy found himself run out and Ant swung wildly towards cow corner only to have the very sharp young keeper whip the bails off.  Livewire played a couple of trademark pull shots to show some form, but then he was also bowled in his trademark dismissal, playing back to a full straight one.  Biffer Burles and Rayzzo then buckled down to try and form a partnership.  While Razor battled away for his runs, Biffer Burles started to open up and play his back foot drives...those ones that would possibly set the pages of a cricket text book on fire if they were ever written down.  His innings was highlighted by a thunderous (very) straight six that flew beyond the boundary by a mile and landed on the roof of Tommy Reid’s car, which will bear the scar of its encounter with Burles Cricket forever more.  The chase for late runs began, but the charge never really came and KSCC lost wickets instead.  Duncan was stumped for a well made 67 (or less accurately, for 76) to stand out as the innings of the innings.  In the end, KSCC finished on a sub-par 207/9 where a score of 250+ was hoped for.

It would be up to the formidable KSCC bowling unit to do the damage.  Early on, North Newton made steady if unspectacular progress.  Snooky was bowling OK and Tommy B was doing well to maintain a disciplined line.  The openers started to attempt to up the tempo but were thwarted when Tommy B found his way through Number 1 with his first in game execution of his new split finger slowwy.  North Newton were looking on target at that point, with an opening partnership of 52 from 12 overs.  A surprised Livewire Benny was thrown the ball for a spell and he duly delivered a wicket maiden in his first over, having the threatening left hand opener caught behind.  The Golden Boy Freddie Barton then waded into the fray to completely turn the game KSCC’s way.  His fourth and fifth overs were wicket maidens.  Ant took a well watched catch at cow corner, standing exactly where his captain put him.....in a hole.  Tommy B looked as super-casual as ever taking a catch at cover, a rare occurrence against the prodigious turn generated by Frieber.  Another three wickets were garnered as he turned the ball a mile to slip through the gap created by an inexperienced batting lineup that intended to drive him all afternoon.  The Destroyer then chimed in from the other end to bowl all sorts of stuff, disappearing for a couple of mighty sixes while also picking up the last 3 wickets.  The last man was bowled with the last ball of the 37^th over just as a forlorn Tommy Reid, who had been warming up for about 20 overs, prepared to mark out his run.

In the end it was an easy victory, but we were still less than convincing for large periods of play.  Our batting unit in particular needs to fire, considering we bat all the way down and have a fair bit of talent in there.  Still...35 points is 35 points and we sit second on the SCL Div 2 table....behind Middlezoy.

Batting:

            D Burles           67

            A Williams         40

            C Hansen          24

Bowling:                       o          m         r           w

            F Barton           12         3          40         5

            S Churchill        5          2          23         3

            T Barton            7          1          16         1

            B Chant            7          1          20         1

2011 - Game 4 - Sat 28/05 - KSCC 1s @ Middlezoy

Sport and politics shouldn’t mix, but that is not to say that they don’t share certain qualities.  While F1 teams argue vigourously about who won’t be going fastest around the Bahrain circuit later this year, I can’t help but look to other sporting events and political discussions closer to home.  Like watching a Coalition government play National Health System (3^rd Edition Rules), anyone familiar with watching sporting events will have observed that amazing phenomenon of two teams playing the same game to seemingly different rules or intents.  Barcelona and Man U in the Champions league comes to mind, or the famous clash of Grandmaster Valery Checkhov and Anti-Chess World Champion Howard Breem in 1986, or the tragic events at the Winter Olympics in Lillehammer when Chinese figure skater Li Chang suffered multiple injuries after a body check from USA Ice Hockey player, Jimmy Bigstix.

Rivals Middlezoy, who have won KSCC’s division two years running to be official promotion buddies, were sent in and got off to a quick start.  Tommy B fought back with a few good overs, but The Strangler couldn’t get in his rhythm and steadily leaked runs without going for too many.  Snooky made the early break through to bring in Harry Roberts, who looked to continue the quick start.  A double bowling change saw El Capitan wheel himself out after spending much of the week bowling poorly in the nets but insisting all the while that he would get Harry out.  It took 3 overs to get a crack at him, but only 3 balls to remove the dangerous left hander who has spent much of the last 2 years pummelling runs from the KSCC spinners.  Middlezoy were still making runs however, until the introduction of Tom Reid who bowled a superb 6-over spell.  He and The Destroyer restricted the Middlezoy scoring in the middle overs, while Tom claimed 2 wickets.  However, the opener Troman was still at the other end providing resistance.  Tommy was brought off to bring on The Golden Boy in the hunt for wickets, which proved to be an interesting decision by the captain as Freddie once again disappeared for runs through the short Middlezoy straight boundaries.  Suddenly, Middlezoy were scoring freely...taking runs from Spence as well.  The Strangler was brought back to face Nemesis Barnard, but he also shipped runs at an alarming rate.  However, like a morbidly obese cub scout with an XXL tub of bargain basement marshmallows, El Capitan kept hurling him back into the fire to seriously damage his figures.  Tommy B came back for one over but was blasted as the batsman used his pace against him.  Thus it was left to Your Brave Leader (TM) to bowl the 44^th over and belatedly have Troman caught by an athletic Professor Jon Rowe for 89.  Snooky finally got his man, bowling Nemisis for 79, but the damage had been done.  The ball seemed to spend a lot of time travelling to places where the KSCC fielders weren’t, which either says a lot for the Middlezoy batting or not much about the KSCC captains field placement.  KSCC would be left to chase a challenging 275/6.

Middlezoy started tactically, playing two spinners early on to try and sneak some overs in before the real chase started.  However, the plan looked to back fire as Sammy G found gaps and Your Brave Leader(TM) counter punched to kick the innings off at over 5 runs an over.  Barnard eventually brought himself on, but was being handled reasonably well before the captain played a drive straight over a full delivery and had his stumps disturbed after a quick opening partnership of 78.  Rayzzo looked good early but also fell, bowled Barnard.  The Professor struck some delightful boundaries early and it was while I was off looking for the ball after one of those shots , hoping it was not wedged deep in a giant pile of horse manure at the front of the allotments, that the game fell apart for KSCC.  There were multiple appeals and congratulations heard over the hedge as wicket after KSCC wicket fell.  A minor batting collapse turned into a major rout as numbers 5-11 failed to make double figures.  By the time that Tom Barton was left standing on his own at the end of the innings, KSCC had succumbed to be all out for 164 in 36 overs.

A disappointing effort indeed, with the hurt multiplied by some bad blood between the two sides during the second innings.  Middlezoy has been our benchmark over the last couple of years and we shall have to put in a much better effort on the return fixture to ensure that we hand them the same level of defeat later in the year.

Bowling:                               o             m            r              w

                T Reid                 6              2              18           2

                C Hansen            5              0              25           2

                S Snook              11           0              85           2

Batting:

                C Hansen             52

                S Gillatt                 41

                J Rowe                  27                           

2011 - Game 3 - Sat 21/05 - KSCC 1s v Barrington

There are very few things that separate man from his other, occasionally more smelly, counterparts in the animal kingdom.  Rational thought (and it's direct opposite, Kevin Pietersen), reasoning, tequila slammers, ASBO's and kebab shops come immediately to mind.  But right up there, in the heady heights of human advantage, is the capability of complex communication.  Stringing a series of thoughts and words together into a cohesive dialog designed to convey meaning to another human, hopefully capable of digesting and comprehending that information, elevate us above the apes, canines and snails that would no doubt conquer the world were we not able to ask for directions to the garden pesticide section at the local garden centre.  However, sometimes our command of this important tool can abandon us when we most need it, leaving us babbling poppycock and gibberish (which in itself sounds suspiciously like poppycock and gibberish).  Most of us have the luxury of doing this on a day to day basis with very few negative impacts on world events.  However, those of us in absolute power that stand to leave an indelible mark on human history with every command and decision, observed (if occasionally ignored) by literally tens of people at any point in time, have no such luxury.  Events during the week have led me to compile a small list of times when it is, and isn't, a good time for persons of high global standing to lose the ability to properly articulate:
        OK to waffle:
            - Childrens parties
            - Royal weddings
            - Superinjunction court hearings
            - University lectures
            - Victory speeches
        Not OK to waffle:
            - Burger King drive-thru
            - Unilateral peace talks
            - State dinners in Moldova (where sentences longer than 5 words have been banned as they are interpreted as insults against the first born daughter of the President for reasons that I have never been able to tactfully ask in such short sentences)
            - Heckling
            - Protesting in Syria
            - Cricket selections
In a ground breaking week for Kilmington and Stourton first cricket, there were no less than 13 genuine front line first team players available for selection for the Saturday league fixture.  What followed was a harrowing experience that the club would like that I have to suffer on a weekly basis, but which I secretly hope not to have to go through again.  I would have preferred to have told a little girl that her puppy had died.  Eventually, 11 were named for the game against Barrington at home.
Normal service was resumed on the captaining front, with a bearded and Australian sounding lout striding out to the middle to confidently lose the toss.  Barringtons skipper sent us into bat on a decent looking wicket under clear skies.
As far as starts go, they could have been better.  In the third over, Your Brave Leader(TM) was back in the hutch having chosen to swing all around a straight full toss.  Not long after, Ballistic Tomlinson was also heading back, though he at least had the ability to get his pad in the way.  Marley Pelham and The Professor Jon Rowe were left to try and clean up the mess, knuckling down against some decent bowling and showing a tremendous ability to pick out the fielders.  Progress was solid, if slow, when The Professor spooned one uppishly to mid off.  His replacement, Biffer Burles, was beaten a couple of times but he and Charlie took us through to drinks with the Kilmington Youth Brigade still yet to be deployed.  Foolishly, Dunc listened to his captain when asked to up the tempo and was bowled playing a huge swipe straight after drinks.  This led to a rather mystifying mini collapse through the high impact middle order.  Livewire Chant was run out for 0, showing a new dedication to thoroughness that a risky single was accompanied by holding his bat an inch off the ground.  Charlie Pelham was bowled by the left hand spinner(ish) bowler who had been showing immaculate line and length with his darts.  The Golden Boy Freddie Barton had his early season form dented with a tragic run out without facing a delivery.  Then Tom Barton showed he is still the most correct looking batsman to ever get out when he missed a straight one.  A score of only just over 100 looked likely when the immaculate Sammy G, who looked in good nick from ball one, was joined by the frequently less immaculate (is that maculate?) Destroyer Churchill.  Sammy used his feet frequently and timed the ball superbly to give the cover sweeper a workout.  Meanwhile, the Destroyer relished his opportunity to shine with a delightful on drive and followed it with a Carribean uppercut over backward point.  The partnership also provided some agressive running that put a dent in the confidence of the opposition, despite the insubstantial total.  When Sammy was caught last ball, the partnership had been a quick and face saving 48 to take the total to 152/9 from 45 overs.
Some quality sandwiches were consumed at the break, including a sighting of the rare and wonderous BLT, not seen at a cricket tea for over 29 years if my records are correct.  The resumption saw the introduction of the winters master plan, when Golden Boy opened the bowling from the bottom end.  He extracted early turn but failed to garner the first ball wicket that El Capitan and dreamed of for those long, cold months.  The initial instinct was to call for the firing squad, but attempting to learn from the lessons of my past I instead gave him another over.  He and Tommy B provided a couple of tight overs that resulted in a classic spinners over....a long hop smashed to the boundary followed a couple of balls later with a wicket, which in turn led to the classic captianing blunder of giving him one more over than intended that went for a few.  So finally, The Strangler was introduced and the two formed their normal combination.  Snooky was relentless in his accuracy and Tommy B was too quick.  Barrington were maintaining their wickets, but were unable to score at a fast rate as each ball was stopped by the solid ring field.  In particular, Marley Pelham was throwing himself about and saved several runs.  Tommy B was replaced from the top by the Destroyer, and the runs dried up even further as he used flight, guile and blood curdling appeals to keep the batsman in check.  The Strangler took advantage, when he cleaned the opener up to complete 3 maidens in his first 4 overs.  The lull continued for a few overs before Sammy G, in his keeping debut for the 1's, took an outstanding diving effort down leg side (after a nervous drop and missed stumping earlier) to deliver another wicket to Mr Snook.  From there, the pressure proved too much for the Barrington batsman.  The Strangler found the stumps again for his second wicket maiden after an intriguing cat and mouse with the batsman.  Snooky popped up again, taking a superb slips catch for the Destroyer.  Simon eventually collapsed in a heap after a monumental 12 over spell, claiming 14/3 and a respectable 6 maidens.  Spencer continued on his memory though, claiming back to back wicket maidens and terminating any chance the Barrington middle order had of a come back.  Tommy B blasted through number 10 and then the Livewire switched on.  His first delivery nearly hit the clubhouse on the full without any assistance from the batsman, but his fourth legal delivery was lofted high to mid on where Charlie took a good catch to close out the innings.
So from a rather dubious looking batting effort, the KSCC bowlers delivered victory, backed up by some high quality fielding.  Amongst them, Snooky, Spence and Tommy delivered 12 maidens...which is a huge number in a 45 over game.  The partnership to finish our innings was also key.
Batting:
    S Gillatt             34
    C Pelham           31
    S Churchill        23*

Bowling:
                              o    m    r    w
    S Churchill        12    4    27    4
    S Snook            12    6    14    3
    T Barton           10    2    22    1
    F Barton            5    0    22    1
    B Chant            0.4    0    4    1

2011 - Game 2 - Sat 14/05 - KSCC 1s @ Wedmore

"In every county, in every town, in every village...they walk among us."  This quote, from infamous paranormal expert, extraterrestrial hunter and renowned cricket sceptic Harold Boson, started a mad hunt among the market squares of a good portion of England in 2003 when it appeared on the front pages of The Daily Express.  However, despite the capture and subsequent release of a kindly old gentleman found in Shropshire attempting to fly off the top of his conservatory wearing a pair of cricket pads on his arms, very little of substance was found and the hordes returned to shuffling around Ikea.

The art of disguise and deception is an essential tool in the cricketers kit bag.  This might be the subtle change of wrist position in a bowlers slower ball, the shuffle of the batsman’s feet just before delivery, the construction of an artificial harbour on the square leg boundary or the clever application of a cucumber slice on top of the last egg mayonnaise sandwich.  All of these ruses are designed to gain an advantage over the opponent, to make them think that one thing is happening when, in fact, all is not as it seems.

Despite Your Brave Leader (TM) having returned from Australia, having failed to negotiate satisfactory terms with Cricket Australia to resurrect Australia cricket, Tom Barton made his way out to the toss to captain the mighty Kilmington and Stourton for a second week.  In an amazing piece of cunning, he took to the field as captain clearly not wearing a moustache, glasses, voicing an antipodean twang or deliberately losing the toss.  He elected to bat, thus ensuring that El Capitan had to get himself into gear.

It nearly ended before it began, but El Capitan arrived at the crease determined to play his way out of jet lag with his new chunk of willow.  Dropped in the second over, he then forced his new batting partner, Mark Tomlinson, to run a few quick runs and unleashed a couple of straight sixes before spooning a pull shot straight to square leg.  The pitch was a bit two paced and forced the batsman to watch and then strike out.  This was shown by the great number of scoring shots that were boundaries.  Rose (1x4 for 4 runs) and Rowe (1x4, 1x6 for 10 runs) came and went, before a good partnership between Mark and Biffer Burles.  They turned the score over regularly, before Mark chose to take an ill advised quick single and found himself short of this ground.  His 38 was welcome and include 6 fours.  There was a stutter as Oli Horner and Ben Chant failed to get going...Livewire in particular failing to heed the shouts from all sides to get forward.  Duncan’s burly knock closed when he was cleaned up by the spinner for 38 (his scoring shots read 4,4,4,4,4,1,6,1,4,6).  That brought together the dashing Barton Academy players, Tom and Freddie.  They upped the tempo to put pressure back on the Wedmore field, Freddie in particular looking to be in good knick.  The real action started after the departure of Tommy B for 15.  Hippie, playing his first game for KSCC, came out for the last handful of overs to make an impact.  The game had to wait while the big man took out the long handle, attached another and then crafted yet another extension from the overhanging branch of a tree (showing that what youth lack today are practical skills).  He then proceeded to cart the bowling over cow corner time and time again.  Courtesy of his quick 34, including 2 4’s and 4 sixes, he put on a quick 45 in 4 overs with The Golden Boy (35*) to destroy the hopes of the Wedmore unit.  He was eventually bowled, attempting another hoik, but the damage was done.  An impressive rearguard action had taken KSCC from 137/6 to 232/9.

Not yet done, The Big Man then took the new ball.  With the pitch still dubious, his perfect line, length and wily wobble combined perfectly with the raw pace of Tommy B (sound familiar to anyone?).  Within 15 overs, they had decimated the Wedmore top order.  Tommy B claimed the top 3, including both openers for 0.  The Big Man simply bowled stump to stump to remove 4,5 and 6.  The contest was effectively over at that point,  Livewire Benny continued to tease with his unique combination of wickets and runs, picking up 2 genuine bowlers wickets.  The Destroyer played a controlled role, with a tight 7 overs without many wicket chances,   before The Golden Boy decided that anything that Benny can do, I can do better, grabbing the same number of wickets and a similar number of runs in half the deliveries.   There was some impressive resistance from their number 8, Wall, who clattered a fair few 6’s in his 44, but otherwise there was little to worry the KSCC bowling attack.

So the young captain in disguise, Tommy B, starts his league career undefeated.  Should he choose to remind me of that, however, he may find himself spending quite a bit of time doing hard labour.

                Batting:

                                M Tomlinson                      38

                                D Burles                               38

                                F Barton                               35*

                                G Hipworth                         34

                Bowling:

                                                                                o             m            r              w

                                G Hipworth                         8              1              12           3

                                T Barton                               7              0              21           3

                                F Barton                               2.5          1              20           2

                                B Chant                                5              1              23           2

                                S Churchill                           7              1              16           0

2011 - Game 1 - Sat 07/05 - KSCC 1s v Wincanton

A dispatch from Tommy B, new vice captain and general dogs body to Your Brave Leader (TM):

The 1sts had a solid and promising start to the league season against Wincanton on Saturday.

Stand in skipper Tom Barton won the toss and decided to bat on a good pitch, hoping to control the game if it did rain and overs were lost from the second innings. A new opening pair of Mark Tomlinson and Sam Gillatt strode out to face Wincanton's medium pace seamers.

Both looked solid and accumulated runs effectively to take the score to 27 inside 6 overs before Mark chased a wide half volley and was caught at slip. Ray Rose and Sam shared a useful partnership of 33, with Ray putting away the bad ball well, before Sam departed dragging on for 18.

Ray followed him twelve runs later bowled by one that turned between bat and pad.  Jon Rowe and debutant Ollie Horner put KSCC back on top with an important partnership. Ollie began slowly and was reminded repeatedly of this by some opposition members, whose sledging could only be described as ineffective and unintelligent at best. Jon rode his luck initially as a few tough chances were grassed by the usually sharp Winky fielders. However, he soon found some form, using his feet to attack the spinners, driving the ball effortlessly over the infield to continually find the ever decreasing number of vacant boundaries as fielder after fielder was pushed back. His 53 included 10 fours and with Ollie solid at the other end they added 57 at a decent run rate.

Both were caught in the outfield attempting to accelerate bringing together Ben Chant and Duncan Burles who together added a quick 30 but fell around the 170 mark just as they threatened to take the game away from Wincanton. Fortunately, by turning ones into twos and finding the occasional boundary, Freddie and Tom Barton were able to put on 35 in 5 overs before the captain was caught at long on attempting a shot beyond his batting capabilities in the 45th over. Spencer Churchill made a brief appearance in the final over, returning an impressive strike rate of 200 but more importantly a not out! Fred finished with an entertaining 30* in a total of 222-8 which the whole team (minus Derren who must be thanked for his umpiring and scoring efforts) contributed towards either in runs or presence in a partnership. 

As soon as the second innings was about begin the rain came down and after an hour or more of pondering (and studying the rules for rain affected games) the match was called off. The result was a draw with us picking up 22 points and Wincanton 20.  They seemed happy to escape with a draw. 

Blogger MIA - returns to complete apathy

Sorry all, I have been off gallivanting back in Oz and then found myself short of time on my return.  Hopefully, life will settle shortly and I can get back into rambling mode.  Until then....here are the last 3 games....