"In every county, in every town, in every village...they walk among us." This quote, from infamous paranormal expert, extraterrestrial hunter and renowned cricket sceptic Harold Boson, started a mad hunt among the market squares of a good portion of England in 2003 when it appeared on the front pages of The Daily Express. However, despite the capture and subsequent release of a kindly old gentleman found in Shropshire attempting to fly off the top of his conservatory wearing a pair of cricket pads on his arms, very little of substance was found and the hordes returned to shuffling around Ikea.
The art of disguise and deception is an essential tool in the cricketers kit bag. This might be the subtle change of wrist position in a bowlers slower ball, the shuffle of the batsman’s feet just before delivery, the construction of an artificial harbour on the square leg boundary or the clever application of a cucumber slice on top of the last egg mayonnaise sandwich. All of these ruses are designed to gain an advantage over the opponent, to make them think that one thing is happening when, in fact, all is not as it seems.
Despite Your Brave Leader (TM) having returned from Australia, having failed to negotiate satisfactory terms with Cricket Australia to resurrect Australia cricket, Tom Barton made his way out to the toss to captain the mighty Kilmington and Stourton for a second week. In an amazing piece of cunning, he took to the field as captain clearly not wearing a moustache, glasses, voicing an antipodean twang or deliberately losing the toss. He elected to bat, thus ensuring that El Capitan had to get himself into gear.
It nearly ended before it began, but El Capitan arrived at the crease determined to play his way out of jet lag with his new chunk of willow. Dropped in the second over, he then forced his new batting partner, Mark Tomlinson, to run a few quick runs and unleashed a couple of straight sixes before spooning a pull shot straight to square leg. The pitch was a bit two paced and forced the batsman to watch and then strike out. This was shown by the great number of scoring shots that were boundaries. Rose (1x4 for 4 runs) and Rowe (1x4, 1x6 for 10 runs) came and went, before a good partnership between Mark and Biffer Burles. They turned the score over regularly, before Mark chose to take an ill advised quick single and found himself short of this ground. His 38 was welcome and include 6 fours. There was a stutter as Oli Horner and Ben Chant failed to get going...Livewire in particular failing to heed the shouts from all sides to get forward. Duncan’s burly knock closed when he was cleaned up by the spinner for 38 (his scoring shots read 4,4,4,4,4,1,6,1,4,6). That brought together the dashing Barton Academy players, Tom and Freddie. They upped the tempo to put pressure back on the Wedmore field, Freddie in particular looking to be in good knick. The real action started after the departure of Tommy B for 15. Hippie, playing his first game for KSCC, came out for the last handful of overs to make an impact. The game had to wait while the big man took out the long handle, attached another and then crafted yet another extension from the overhanging branch of a tree (showing that what youth lack today are practical skills). He then proceeded to cart the bowling over cow corner time and time again. Courtesy of his quick 34, including 2 4’s and 4 sixes, he put on a quick 45 in 4 overs with The Golden Boy (35*) to destroy the hopes of the Wedmore unit. He was eventually bowled, attempting another hoik, but the damage was done. An impressive rearguard action had taken KSCC from 137/6 to 232/9.
Not yet done, The Big Man then took the new ball. With the pitch still dubious, his perfect line, length and wily wobble combined perfectly with the raw pace of Tommy B (sound familiar to anyone?). Within 15 overs, they had decimated the Wedmore top order. Tommy B claimed the top 3, including both openers for 0. The Big Man simply bowled stump to stump to remove 4,5 and 6. The contest was effectively over at that point, Livewire Benny continued to tease with his unique combination of wickets and runs, picking up 2 genuine bowlers wickets. The Destroyer played a controlled role, with a tight 7 overs without many wicket chances, before The Golden Boy decided that anything that Benny can do, I can do better, grabbing the same number of wickets and a similar number of runs in half the deliveries. There was some impressive resistance from their number 8, Wall, who clattered a fair few 6’s in his 44, but otherwise there was little to worry the KSCC bowling attack.
So the young captain in disguise, Tommy B, starts his league career undefeated. Should he choose to remind me of that, however, he may find himself spending quite a bit of time doing hard labour.
Batting:
M Tomlinson 38
D Burles 38
F Barton 35*
G Hipworth 34
Bowling:
o m r w
G Hipworth 8 1 12 3
T Barton 7 0 21 3
F Barton 2.5 1 20 2
B Chant 5 1 23 2
S Churchill 7 1 16 0
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