Following on from last week’s shocking revelation that the KSCC income from illegal bookmakers could be coming under threat from its fellow clubs, the Board have been forced to conduct emergency meetings to secure future income. This lead to a rather last minute effort to secure a crossover marketing deal with the Tour de France to tap into the ever burgeoning “old men in lycra” market that appears to be spreading through the expanse of England like a disease (a disease that is very hard to look at when it doesn’t have its legs crossed). At 1:30pm on Saturday, the mighty Kilmington and Stourton Cricket Club First XI burst from the changing rooms, often literally, dressed in the cycling regalia of the major teams of the Tour. It was a truly amazing/terrifying sight that captured the imagination and nightmares of the general cricket going public in a way not seen since the sides promotional agreement to support the opening weekend of the Borat movie in 2006. Initially, the move looked to be an on-field as well as off-field success, with several of the opposition players not able to take the field for the start of play, unable to control their gag reflex as a motivated KSCC squad performed their first warm up stretching routine in nearly 48 years. However, the game was up when it was suggested that the team were in breach of several indecency laws, the rapidly unravelling stitching of The Stranglers outfit, pieced together from 4 regular cycling shorts and an unspecified motley collection of jerseys, being suggested as exhibit A. Reluctantly, we changed back into our regular cricket kit and took the field. However, we hope to still play our ceremonial last match of the season on the Champs Elysees, though it does tend to play a bit two paced and the local proprietors aren’t too keen on the threat to their shop windows. KSCC once again won the toss and elected to bat on what looked like a very flat and dry wicket.
Things didn’t start well when Ballistic Tomlinson missed a straight yorker early on to Wells’ very own Strangler clone. El Capitan looked scratchy and proved once again that he has all the hallmarks of a quality batsman, out caught off the most poorly disguised slower ball since ex-Prime Minister John Major sent one down in a moustache and monacle during the now defunct Young Conservatives v Coal Miners match of 1964. There ensued a series of steady but minor partnerships that saw contributions from a rejuvenated Anternator, a typically calm and collected Sammy G and the fluent Jon Rowe. A large partnership failed to materialise however, as each batsman found a way to get out just as they got set. Once again, Biffer Burles found himself anchoring the middle innings with wickets and runs in relatively short supply. Livewire and Freddie came and went with hardly a murmur and it looked again as though KSCC would struggle to put up a decent total. With singular will, Biffer Burles kept KSCC in the hunt with his unique style of energy expenditure v energy conservation. Each missed opportunity for a quick second because of a strolled first was matched by an almighty heave that found or cleared the boundary. Looking increasingly beaten up as his innings went on, it was only when The Destroyer came to the wicket that he found a partner in crime. Spence was the perfect foil, his nurdles punctuated with some sumptuous stroke play that belies his number 10 allocation. The pair compiled a quick 50 partnership in the last 5 overs to boost the score to 188/8 and provide their team with momentum into the tea break, with everyone jogging briskly in for some BLTs and cake.
The jog out was somewhat less brisk and less momentous, but Simon Snook cares not for these things....the man is more about torque than pure speed and delivered 3 maidens to get warmed up. From the other end, Tommy B was finding things a little tougher than normal, but these things are relative and he was only going for 3 an over before a couple of 4s in the last over of his first 7 over spell. The Strangler, in the mean time, was finding himself once again in the unfamiliar surrounds of the wicket column. He set up a possible hat trick with one of the balls of the year that was full, swung away and then seamed in to clatter the poles with the final delivery of his 5th over. Unfortunately, he got confused and was only able to follow that up with a maiden M instead of a W. Combined with a suicidal run out calmly handled by The Anternator, who summed up events and realised he could beat the batsman to the stumps, Wells had lost 3 wickets with the score stuck on 27. It didn’t take long for The Destroyer to get started, once again confusing batsman, fielders and viewers alike and dislodging the bails with an orthodox/googly leg/off spin with some slight hint of top/back spin. Price and Thompson looked to stabilise the batting innings, mixing defence against a controlled line from both The Destroyer and The Golden Boy with some aggressive shots to break the shackles. The game was meandering along before The Destroyer called into fire control and rained death on 3 batsman in 2 overs, including both of the set batsman. Amongst the wickets was a catch to El Capitan at point, leaping like a salmon to take a well judged catch at the peak of his aerial journey (some photographic evidence suggests that this may have only been 3 inches off the ground but the effects of fore shortening through the camera lens is well documented, in particular in David Gower’s riveting biography ‘Gower : The Guy Who Talks About The Lens Foreshortening Thing Whenever It Comes Up on Sky Sports’). Some late hitting from the Snooky clone, Gerrish (surely a new KSCC opposition hero, known as Bungle to his team mates), entertained the crowds but the end was quick. Spence picked up his 5th wicket to slip, Freddie found a way though the gate and the recalled Tommy B only required one delivery to shatter the stumps and put an end to resistance.
In the end, it was a comfortable win that masked the fact that we struggled with the bat for most of the day once again. Tommy B has quite rightly asked when we think we might choose to post a decent total! And for another week it was a very enjoyable game to play with some good banter with the opposition followed with cold beers as, you guessed it, the sun crept out from the clouds just in time for us to finish the game.
Batting:
D Burles 62*
S Gillatt 32
A Williams 27
S Churchill 18*
Bowling: o m r w
S Churchill 12 1 32 5
S Snook 10 4 27 2
T Barton 7.1 1 27 1
F Barton 9 1 40 1
No comments:
Post a Comment