Historical Note: The week saw the 70th anniversary of the evacuation of Dunkirk. The return of the "little ships" was a main news feature for the whole week.
The Big Red Button, The Brain Explosion, The Great Collapse, The Inexplicable Self Destruct, The WTF to end all WTF’s. We’ve all been there…one minute everything is going well, then you burn your toast and, 10 minutes of madness later, you have accidently flushed your shoe down the toilet and there is a mariachi band playing in your bedroom cupboard. While that was one hell of a weekend that I will never forget, this form of self combustion is a regular occurrence at the mighty Kilmington and Stourton Cricket Club. While recent years have been furnished with several notable collapses, the phenomenon stretches further back in modern history. Only this week, to mark the 70th anniversary of the event, 2nd XI fast bowling sensation and club stalwart, Charles Spencer, recounted his personal experiences as several of the lads, amidst machine gun and artillery fire, refused to leave the beaches of Dunkirk until they had heard over command radio communications if the last 7 Kilmington wickets had really fallen in 8 balls. Arguably the most dramatic collapse was recorded in 1337 when the touring side Valois Venturers ripped through the last 9 wickets of the KSCC side, featuring several young players from the House of Plantagenet, after Kilmington had already won the game and insisting that the last 5 wickets had fallen for minus 58 runs. Such an obvious case of cheating (though the rules of cricket were still a bit sketchy at this stage) was insufferable for the KSCC committee, and they duly responded by invading France. This resulted in several very testy fixtures, culminating in a game at the Agincourt Recreational Ground that was also notable in that every bowler coming up the hill had awful figures, usually punctured with arrows.
The Saturday in the here and now, 22nd of May 2010, was magnificent. I record the exact date so that our brethren may note that, in 1000 years, when they have their next sunny day, it is not the result of impending doom from the Giant Microwave that scientists say has engulfed the Earth. The sun was shining, the air was warm and both teams arrived at the ground keen to play cricket in weather suitable for such an event. Fellow promotion team Huish and Langport had started the season with a couple of big wins so it was going to be a day of high competition. Your Brave Leader ™ won the toss and elected to bat so his team, which only the week before was in danger of being cryogenically frozen to the horror of future generations, did not melt (to the horror of a rejoicing current generation). The KSCC track was covered in some rough grass but was very hard. The opposition featured one of the best bowlers from the last year, Mr Shillabeer (my favourite name in the competition). He started as expected, with pace, accuracy and moving the ball both ways. Planning on survival in his overs, Ant Williams and El Capitan focussed on pinching runs at the other end from the less threatening partner in crime. Ant struggled early to find the middle of the bat, but the scoring was maintained by The Skipper with some well struck boundaries reminiscent of his early season form. Once Ant started to find his way, runs came in a hurry…including a typically belligerent six. Shillabeer’s first spell was seen off without gaining many runs, but importantly not losing any wickets. By the first drinks break at 15 overs, KSCC were ticking away nicely at 4 an over without any wickets down. Not long after the break, Anter miscued a drive that was catching practice for the straight fielder. Ray strode to the crease and immediately looked out of form. Most disturbing of all though, was the shiner he had copped from a bail while keeping wicket mid-week. While there was no swelling, it did look like we was wearing heavy eyeliner on one side….Ray had gone all Emo. Ray still managed to scratch out a living though, and it was his partner that provided to disaster. They said it couldn’t be done, but being successful in any walk of life is all about doing the impossible. In a shot at least 3 shocker points higher than last weeks ultimate shocker, The Skipper abandoned his previously conservative play and pranced down the wicket…attempted an almighty heave across the line to the spinner and was bowled. Only a couple of overs before, he had been dropped by the same bowler, who muffed the easiest caught and bowled attempt since the One Hand/Rolling on Ground rule was abandoned by the MCC. What ensued for the next 10 overs was a complete failure to capitalise on a good start. In 10 overs, KSCC managed only 20 runs for the loss of 4 wickets. The Professor, Biffer Burles, Sammy G and, finally, Lady RayRa were all dismissed and it was left to another rear guard action to try and salvage some Kilmington pride. Ben Chant continued to be a role player at number 7, providing instant impact and urgency to the innings. Freddie’s innings was short but in the right mode. Tommy B looked as correct as always and Spence had a crack…their great little partnership took KSCC to 140/8. Not much, but a total that could be defended with some effort.
Tea was lovely, but Rays wanderlust is still in full force as he ducked off to get some milk only to be stopped at passport control in Dover. Tommy B opened as Tommy B has bowled all year…at the moment he is top of the class, full of fire. Snooky was returning from a sojourn in the sun in the North of Africa, but he also stepped straight back into his old mode..pegging away for ball after ball until the batsman see’s the Test Pattern and surrenders his wicket. Tommy tore through an opener early, then number 3 and then after that it was block city. Tom beat the bat regularly, with the batsmen dead batting anything straight….Snooky continued to test with a series of dot balls….the fielding was tight….The Professor observed the pattern and devised his formula…and after 19 exceptional overs the score was 35/2. The Skipper then went looking for wickets with the big guns. Dunc played his own little game within a game of Great Over/OK Over/Great Over/OK Over….Spence went all rusty gate…and Freddie gained turn but was being nudged around. It looked like a strategic error had been made as the pair started to form a big partnership that threatened to take the game over. Then flying out of the clouds/mid-wicket came Tommy B…underpants on the inside of his trousers but made of 100% superhero (with realistic Bowling Action). The match turned on it’s head with a wicket maiden. The new closer Skippy came on and duly sent a couple wayward down legside…but pinched a wicket…the bat squirted one out to square leg where Snooky set himself up for a one-handed speccy just inches off the ground. Tommy B defied the physics of the Kilmington square and bounced the danger man out. The safety cover was flipped off the Huish and Langport porta-Big Red Button when Shillabeer was run out in a horrible mixup (once again, Skipper and Tommy B combined). H+L were still swinging when El Capitan cleaned up another batsman and then the game was in full flow when Tommy B nabbed another bowled. It was thrilling stuff and the KSCC bowlers were pumped. Each new batsman came in thinking they could hurl their bat to victory…and eventually they did. Skippers last over went for 5…meaning they only needed one off the final over of the game with 2 wickets in hand for the win…which they pinched off the first ball. It was an exciting last few overs and certainly everyone knew that they had been involved in a good old fashioned low-scoring ripper. Tommy B has to take major honours for the game with an outstanding bowling performance…but in the end it was the middle sections of each innings which cost us the game. Must do better next time.
Batting:
A Williams 34
C Hansen 34
R Rose 21
B Chant 20
Bowling: o m r w
T Barton 11.1 5 21 5
C Hansen 4 1 18 2
S Snook 8 3 17 0
It was a great fight back, but we need to improve and play out all 45 of each innings at home, as we do when we are away!
See y’all soon,
Skip
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