Historical Note: The World Cup in South Africa was coming and the Deep Horizon oil well continued to spew oil into the Gulf of Mexico.
What is it that possesses 11 men to walk onto the field, confront another 11 men from another team and enter gladiatorial combat for the simple joy of scoring more than their opponents? More than that…through what logical maze of religious fervor and cultural what-not must we traverse to get from that little field of 22 oddly dressed gentlemen to a thousand St George flags flapping from every window, pole, ledge and slightly exposed builders butt crack from every corner of the land? In my most tormented of days, this observation is made sitting in my car on the way home from work listening to Mr Blofeld triumphantly announcing that a spritely Mr Flintoff has just had Mr Gilchrist caught behind…again. However, it is impossible to escape the relentless sea of red and white currently on display in support of another epic sporting encounter, The World Cup. A keen sportsman embraces everything from the simple (football, lawn bowls, full contact Solitaire) to the unexplainable (cricket, european handball, Extreme Fiscal Policy) for the pure joy of competition, and I am no different. It has not escaped observation that our beloved game of cricket shares the same number of players as the football that is now gripping the worlds imagination. With the constant grab for cash sparked by such ventures as the IPL and deep-sea oil well curling, it seems that the obvious move for the ICC is the investigate merging these two sports for a once a year playoff between the two codes in a seemingly mind-boggling fusion sport I call Socket. For the last 8 years I have lobbied for Socket as the Esperanto of the sports world, only to be mocked from Wembley to St James, but this year is my best chance yet. With England defenders dropping like English fast bowlers, it’s only a matter of time before Mr Capello is faced with the prospect of either selecting Sol Campbell or, in a more adventurous piece of genius, Paul Collingwood! Imagine if Geoffrey Boycott had been standing between the goal posts…surely more triumphs would have followed 1966. My proposal is as simple as it is guaranteed to succeed.
Socket: The game takes place on a regulation football pitch and played with a football, naturally with 11 men per side. Rather than a specialist goalkeeper, each man on the team may be required to goal keep at some point. The first goalkeeper for a team is nominated at the start of the game and they don the pads, helmet and cricket bat of the familiar cricket batsman. The game of football then proceeds in the way of a normal football game…however, if the goalkeeper is able to make a save with his bat and push the ball out of bounds, he scores 4 and 6 if it clears the sideline on the full. If he is able to make the save and dash to the top of the goalsquare, he gets 1 run, however, this obviuosly introduces the chance of a goal being scored while he is running. If a goal is scored, then the goalkeeper is out and the next designated player must exchange places, don the pads and take his place. Like cricket, the game is concluded once every teams goalkeepers have been expended and the scores tallied. Simple! Of course, this is the brief summary and the actual rules I have compiled run to several awe inspiring volumes but that’s about it.
In it’s first trial game at the spiritual home of Socket (London Fields in Hackney), the game lasted a marathon 3 days without break. This was due mostly to no one understanding the rules, only one player having ever had any experience in either football or cricket and a local youth stabbing the football 20 times late on the Saturday night of the Bank Holiday weekend, but it was still a resounding success (if you discount several concussions experienced by players of both sides when the keeper came out to clear a corner).
Kilmington travelled to a struggling Lydford with only one change from the team that toiled manfully to victory at wet Long Sutton. The man who has turned gully (a position that unfortunately does not exist in the vibrant world of Socket) into the most electrifying position in modern cricket, Andy Reid, made way for the return of Kilmingtons man at number 3, Jules Cosby (recovered at great expense to the club after a 9 month search in the deserts of North Africa). However, the day was more suited to someone studying Oma Lung than Arabic, with humidity high and orangutan sightings all through the Mendips. The ground looked picturesque, with a thick covering of grass that could have had several Spitfires parked beside it in it’s hey day. On such a track, KSCC won the toss and elected to bat to try and bat the opposition out of the game.
The going was quick early from El Capitan and The Anternator. While the Lydford captain set about bowling a very impressive spell of outswing bowling from one end, his brother was busy leaking runs from the other at a considerable rate. Anter middled a couple from his new bat that no doubt pleased the young man and has SCL bowlers wondering if any boundary will be able to contain him this year. However, stepping back and across to the outswing bowler proved fatal and he was gone early. Jules arrived at the wicket for his first innings of the year also sporting a new bat, and proceeded to barter with the umpire immediately…securing 4 camels and a promise that the first lbw shout would be given not out. He immediately looked in good touch but was unfortunate enough to find the square leg fielder when solidly clipping a ball leg side. The Professor showed that he has got World Cup fever (and Brazilian flair, quoting that having a Brazilian was more than a fashion statement but a way of life) in bucket loads, taking a ball from outside leg stump and deftly back-heeling it onto his wicket. KSCC were cruising along at 5-plus an over but 3 big wickets were back in the hutch. This early period was punctuated by some sumptuous drives from Your Brave Leader™ with the ball hardly ever leaving the deck. Biffer Burles arrived to circumspectly strike the form bowler for 6 over his head after being beaten a couple of times (openly admitting to the bowler that the bowler was still up in the over). Having finally seen off the efforts of T Lamb (who bowled extremely well in a 12 over stint, 35/2 was brilliant considering the carnage at the other end), Your Brave Leader™ once again imploded in the opening over of dibbly dobbly spin, failing to pull a ball off middle stump and once again watching a big score go begging, out for 59. This brought together Clubber Twins, Biffer Burles and Rayzzo. Duncans striking was formidable, hitting one mighty, meaty six over the long cow corner boundary into the neighbouring field and then a couple of flat sixes that should, by rights, have killed someone. At the other end, Ray was middling the ball (though finding fielders a bit more often), and the pair gave the innings a boost. Duncan was finally out EXHAUSTED b. PAYNE for an impressive 79, and Ray was back in the pavilion for a timely and enjoyable 37. This didn’t signal the end, as KSCC continued to provide quick runs in the final overs. The innings closed on a satisfactory 257/8.
An enjoybale communal tea ensued, and was followed in the traditional manner with the second innings. KSCC set an aggressive field early, but one of the shots of the day came when the young Lydford opener decided to ignore the close leg side catcher and dispatch a cracking pull shot straight from a Tom Barton lightning bolt. That would be one of the few highlights for Lydford though. Tom Barton was pacy, but it was The Strangler turning back the clock from the other end that was the revelation. Snooky found his persistent line and length and drew block after block from the Lydford batsmen. In a turn for the books, he also found his way through a couple of times. He chipped in with a great slips catch from Tommy B’s bowling, and then followed up with the wicket of the handy young opener. The Professor chipped in with a very useful little spell and, by the time Spencer was due to arrive the opposition were already down and out at about 47/6 near the 20 over mark. Snooky pounded his way through all 12 overs in a row, claiming 3 big wickets. This weeks hero was replaced by last weeks as Tom Reid came on to help close out the innings. Spencer looked dangerous and claimed 2 of the final wickets while the tail was wagging. The innings (Lydford having been reduced to 10 after the break) was wrapped up with a great catch by Rayzzo, standing up to Tom Reid. The game was well and truly over, Lydford all out for 119.
Batting:
D Burles 79
C Hansen 59
R Rose 37
T Reid 16*
Bowling: o m r w
S Snook 12 3 36 3
T Barton 7 3 13 2
S Churchill 5 2 18 2
J Rowe 5 2 13 1
T Reid 4.4 0 34 1
It was comprehensive, and somehow we didn’t lose any players walking to the pub from the carpark alongside hurtling traffic…so all in all a good day! This week we welcome Middlezoy and hope to get 2 wins over them for the season.
Cheers all,
Skippy
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