The following is supplied to assist with the inquiry into the last reported action of Kilmington and Stourton First Squad, as recorded by the only known survivor, Signals Officer Lieutenant Don Kennington. This account is the only account from reliable sources currently known to exist outside of enemy hands.
Date of Action : 19/06/2010
Time of Action : 14:00pm to 19:00pm
Location : Curry Rivel Cricket Club
The day started like any other on the front line. The weather was pleasantly sunny, though not too warm, and there was a buzz of excitement around the unit that afternoon. We were welcoming back Officer Cadet Charlie Pelham (Pellers) from his posting at the Officers Academy. This was his second stint out of the unit to attend the Academy after last year mistakenly being billeted at a school for hippies, learning how to chain himself to tractors and climbing trees. He was full of excitement, so Captain Chris Hansen (Skippy) made the decision to organise a foray into enemy territory for that afternoon. He gathered Pellers, Corporal Ant Williams (The Anternator) and Second Lieutenant Jules Cosby (Sheik) to make a reconnaissance raid on the Curry Rivel lines. Pellers was taking the place in this group of 4 usually occupied by Lieutenant Jon Rowe (The Professor), who was convalescing in the medical tent having shot himself in the foot for the fourth time this year. I was able to observe the raid from my observation point several miles away.
It did not take long for the action to start. Skippy and The Anternator took the lead and managed to capture one of the opening sentries within moments. The young lad would have been spraying bullets all over the place if his magazine wasn’t sitting on the table next to him. Our chaps were causing no end of trouble in the enemy ranks and they were picking off targets and moving up the line at a decent pace. Unfortunately, just as they looked like getting really stuck in, a round exploded in the barrel of Ants rifle and he had to make his way back to our lines. The Sheik stepped into the breach smoothly, and he and Skippy made their way into a series of trench fortifications with no letup, clearing the way easily. I could see their helmets dashing from one corner to the next and hear the brief exchanges of fire before they moved to their next position. At one point, Skippy went down under a hail of fire, but it turned out he had only been shot through his pant leg and so immediately returned fire. Not long after that though, Sheik was being helped back by one of the other lads. Apparently, after so many corners, he misjudged a straight dash and slammed straight into a wall, arms and legs all over the place. That left just Pellers left to lend a hand, but the next squad was already kitted up and itching to let loose some of the heavier weaponry available. For a while, Pellers didn’t quite look like he knew which end of his rifle to point at the enemy, and found himself hopping around and hiding in cover waiting for things to die down. At one point, he looked like he was trying to make a barrier with some tables, chairs and used shell casings. Skippy finally yelled something in an indecipherable foreign language at him and, like something in an action film, he stood up and started firing from the hip all over the place. Skippy was starting to run out of ammunition and, having hurled his rifle at the enemy and then tried to cobble together a make-shift catapult using matchsticks, he found himself surrounded and beat a hasty retreat in time for the heavy machine guns to arrive. However, the operational end time was being reached and so they threw themselves in with abandon and returned almost as quickly. Staff Sergeant Duncan Burles (Biffer), Sergeant Ray Rose (Rayzzo) and The Professor all waded in but were pushed back. The Professors bad run continued, as his helmet fell over his eyes and he was struck by a bullet that may have travelled from a skirmish several miles away. Regimental Sergeant Major Simon Snook (Strangler) eventually called an end to proceedings, lobbing a grenade into an enemy emplacement and the boys all returned full of beans. Even Pellers had managed to bloody the nose of the odd Curry Rivel trooper on the way.
We sat down for a meal of gruel and mud, before resuming our defensive positions to see that the other lot were going to do in response. Almost immediately, there was the horrifying sound of falling artillery shells. The bombardment was prolonged, intense and accurate. Private Tom Barton (Tommy B) and Strangler immediately manned their LMGs to meet the infantry that were strolling through the explosions and shrapnel of the exploding earth. While the rest of us huddled in our fox holes, both let rip. However, they were almost immediately forced to retreat into their trenches as the artillery continued to rain down. The Professor let out a minor riposte while Skippy commanded Biffer to set up his heavy mortar on the left flank. Bombadier Spencer Churchill (Destroyer) then set up on the right flank and, for a brief moment, the shells grew more sparse and it looked like the attack may have finished. Spencer even saw a man fall under his umbrella of fire and the men of KS 1sts started to rise out of their defensive positions. However, the fire resumed louder than ever and they were sent scurrying back into their holes. Young Private Freddie Barton (Golden Boy) was thrust by Skippy up into the fire and he stood firm amongst a withering barrage but still they came. Various rumours were now flooding through the ranks that aliens had landed to destroy us all, that one Curry Rivel soldier had caught one of Tommy Bs bullets with his teeth and that one of the enemy had unloaded the bullets from his weapon and was firing them out of his eyes! Anternator eventually stood up and unloaded the last rounds from his sidearm to cover the retreat of the others as our boys staggered off into the smoke, taking down one of the oncoming formation. Tommy B was screaming to let him back on the LMG but the last thing I saw was Skippy dragging him into a hedge just before the whole area was levelled by one last barrage.
KSCC : 238/6
CRCC : 240/2 (39.2 overs)
Batting:
C Hansen 79
C Pelham 64*
A Williams 26
Bowling: o m r w
A Williams 3.2 0 22 1
S Churchill 7 0 46 1
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