Every lad or lass who has ever held a cricket bat (in anything other than self-defence) has dreamed of hitting the winning runs from the last ball of the game. The feeling of adulation so toxic, so unforgettable, that you would more often than not take a while to realise that you were meant to be home from the park by now and it’s getting quite dark and your mum is going to be very, very mad indeed and, even if you do escape being grounded, it is very unlikely that you will be allowed to stay up and watch Buck Rogers in the 25th Century tonight (oh Colonel Wilma Deering, be mine forever!). In those days, Jimmy Smith-from-up-the-roads backyard replaced the mighty acreage of the fabled Kilmington and Stourton Cricket Ground and the rows of spectators/cows were played by Jimmy’s cat and a girls shoe that had got stuck in the big tree last week (it was the only way I could express my fervent love for Jimmy’s neighbour, Lola)....but I knew that, one day, I would take my place standing out there, in front of Stourhead House, ready to live all my wildest dreams. “Three off the last ball!” Jimmy cried and then ran in from his fearsome 300 yard run up that required him to circumnavigate the house several times (things could take a while if he had to climb over the side gate). Then, for the last time, I saw him round the corner of the house and steam in to the wicket...the tennis ball left his hand with such velocity that I could hear it screaming in fear and then WHACK! The ball travelled off the bat as fast as it arrived and hurtled straight at the cat on the fence...at that point, any result was still possible. We had established the rule last summer that if it came off the cat and back into the backyard it was still in play, except if it was still lodged in the cat which constituted the award of 1000 runs to the batsman (which was yet to happen in the entire history of our game). Luckily, the cat was swift and the ball went sailing past and into next doors pool! Six and THE WIN! I was the Champion Cricket Player of the World! I thought there would never be a better day in my life at that point. What could get better than this? Of course, an argument ensued about whether the six and out rule meant that the six counted first or the wicket, which then involved me having to explain to mum why my new t-shirt now sported a giant mulberry stain vaguely in the shape of “Chris is Stinky”, but what a feeling! Of course, with today’s give-it-to-me-now-for-nothing generation you are more likely to hear the batsman reply “Last ball, none to win!”, but for those certain few that still dream of donning the claret red cap of the KSCC, it is these moments they hope to one day live out on the biggest stage of all, Kilmington and Stourton (Somerset Cricket League Division 3).
After a couple of comprehensive wins bowling first, the KSCC captain had no problems making his decision to deliberately lose the toss and, in an amazing game of triple-bluff, allow the opposition captain to invite us to bowl. He was unsure as to how much assistance there would be for the quicks with some cloud hanging about but not necessarily enough to warrant a no-brainer decision.
While by no means a disaster, Tommy B and The Strangler failed to exert the same sort of dominance in the opening overs that they had enjoyed over the previous 2 weeks. The odd 4-ball found itself creeping in and, despite some tight overs, the Long Sutton openers were able to keep the scoreboard moving. The enigmatic Lazaridis tried to uppercut a pacey bouncer from Tommy B over the keeper only to get a thick edge that flew fast just over Ray for 4. Unable to learn his lesson (something I can sympathise with as a constant repeat offender at the batting crease), he tried it again a couple of balls later and Ray snaffled it up for the first wicket. The second wicket came with the first change up the hill...Your Brave Leader(TM) trapping his man right in front from his first ball. From there the spell went downhill in a hurry as true quality shone through and runs were found in all directions. Livewire Benny bowled a fairly decent set of overs from the top as well but the scoreboard was still clicking over on a regular basis. It was time for the spin twins. The Destroyer looked a little out of sorts but, as always, threatened with his beguiling mix of the rubbish and the brilliant. However, it was the Golden Boy who kept his team in the game. Bowling a wide line and turning it so far it nearly came backward, he found his way straight through the dangerous Long Sutton skipper and rattled the off peg. A few overs later, he repeated the dose to spark a magic patch for KSCC. Freddie bowled 3 batsman in 3 overs and The Destroyer also disturbed the timbers to pull Long Sutton back. On the other hand, their opener Chris Vigar continued to bat on and battered a few balls to the boundary in the process, including a fair few sweeps right out of the middle. Seemingly oblivious to what was going on around him, El Capitan stayed with the same plan until he eventually decided to bring back his number one bowler....and Tommy B did not disappoint, rifling his way through the last 3 batsman in 2 overs and capturing the last wicket from the last ball of the innings. Vigar had carried his bat through the innings in a masterful 119 in a total of 216. His cause was assisted by some very average fielding and a couple of dropped chances that should have been taken easily (<names of fielders deleted to protect the identity of the captain>).
The tea was magnificent, although it tasted slightly of Science, and the Skipper strolled out to the middle with the Anternator wondering if maybe that last bit of cake was a little unnecessary. Anternator was back looking for a second helping early on and was joined only a handful of overs later by The Forgotten Man, Charlie Pelham. The Sheik and The Shocker then set about reconstructing the innings in a very much steady-as-she-goes style. Unfortunately, after a couple of delightful driven boundaries, The Sheik fell for the old “long fast bowlers run up, slow bowlers delivery speed” technique of the village change bowler and offered up a caught and bowled. Livewire Benny immediately created some excitement at the wicket and gave the run-rate a jolt but also disappeared fairly quickly trying to defend one. It was at this point that El Capitan was already wondering what effect this loss would have on their season. The sight of The Professor coming to the wicket historically spelt certain doom for our opponents, but he hasn’t been enjoying the best of seasons in 2010. From the start, however, he was positive and creamed a couple of cover/off drives that reminded his many fans (a few stragglers from Derren French’s hordes of groupies) of the days of yore. Once again it was about consolidation. Somehow, El Capitan reached the 50 mark and immediately remarked to The Professor that he had no idea how he had managed it. It was about this time that Jonny looked to up the tempo a bit and kept the required rate from getting out of control. It was in the 40th over that the true fireworks began. The Professor unleashed his secret WMD and battered the bowler for 21 in that over to bring us back in contention, with every shot was creamed straight off the middle of the bat....it was enough to reduce his captain to tears (no, no, I’m OK...I think I have something in my eye, just give me a minute and I’ll be OK...(oh Jonny how I have missed you)). El Capitan responded to the call with an emotional 9 off the next and it was game on. From there both batsman scrambled to keep the board ticking over and, when the Skipper pulled a 4 behind square off the last ball of the 44th over, it came down to The Professor and a measly 7 runs required for victory with 6 wickets in hand. He did his job with a quick 2 and then a single to reduce the game to 4 runs from 3 balls. At this point, Your Brave Leader(TM) used all of his cricketing experience to attempt to sweep the medium pace outswinger and plain missed everything (and was lucky not to lose his middle stump doing it). The next ball he was able to relieve the pressure by mistiming a big hoik and skying the ball miles into the air only to have mid-on fumble the chance and allow a single. And so this is how it came down to The Professor Jonny Rowe taking strike, an apologetic captain at the other end, requiring 3 from the last ball to win the game. The ball came and he middled it out to deep cover in the air. There was a man out there and he dashed to his right and...at that point...anything could have happened. If the ball was caught, we lose. If the ball was stopped or dropped, we would have to attempt a possibly suicidal second to tie. However, the ball was agonisingly wide from the fielder and travelled over the boundary for 4 and the win. It was magnificent and, that day, Little Jonny Rowe lived his dream.
So fine, it wasn’t actually me who hit the winning runs but I was out there! OK, so it’s not the same and I blew two chances to win the game myself but I am sure that Jonny agrees that it’s just a kid thing and doesn’t really feel very special at all so I haven’t missed out on anything at all, right....right?
With that stirring win, we moved into outright second (minus our 35 points we earn in a couple of games time) and a real chance to earn promotion again....come on boys!
Bowling: o m r w
T Barton 9 0 32 4
F Barton 11 0 47 4
C Hansen 3 0 16 1
S Churchill 10 0 66 1
Batting:
C Hansen 97*
J Rowe 65*
J Cosby 20
B Chant 13
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