2010 - Game 17 - Sat 28/08 - KSCC 1s @ Fitzhead

Historical Note: I can't remember exactly, but I think that one of the frequently inaccurate reports found in the Western Gazette newspaper had listed our game as occurring the following week.

              

             It is with great regret that I write to the members and loyal fans of Kilmington and Stourton Cricket Club to report that several high profile players at the club have been implicated in match fixing in the Somerset Cricket League.  The revelations first came to light as the result of a sting conducted by the Western Gazette’s team of crack sports journalists.  An excerpt from the half-page spread is included below:

Reacting to a tip-off, the paper contacted Club Spokesman Derren French on Sunday, August 29, 2010 and questioned if he was able to provide the result for the forthcoming fixture for KSCC 1’s against Fitzhead, to be played the following week.  Mr French initially played coy, even going as far as suggesting the match had already taken place on the previous day.  Accepting that this is code generally used in the underground gambling scene, the Western Gazette were then able to garner from Mr French a series of details for what would happen in the match in question.  Such is the unscrupulously deep corruption at the club, Mr French was able to provide information around the weather, the result of the toss, individual player scores and eventually the final result.  The Western Gazette can exclusively reveal that ALL of these supposed predictions proved to the 100 percent accurate!  When questioned further, Mr French confidently announced that he had already spoken with club captain Chris Jensen and that he had confirmed that these were the facts.  It is clear that in order for all of these events to have occurred as predicted, it would require more than just the involvement of the Austrian opener, and that the fix must extend to vice captain John Rhodes and beyond.  Certainly, it calls into question certain events in the past that have drawn raised eyebrows from the pundits in the scorers box, including but not limited to:

·         Dunhill Burnes bowling a ball that bounced twice to take a wicket during a match in 2009

·         Club chairman David Beertown bowling in the closing overs of a tight fixture against Huntspill in 2008

·         Sheik Jules el Cosbib failing to take a catch in SCL matches in 2010 (but then taking one of the catches of the season in the Hamstrings Six-a-side competition immediately following)

·         Wicketkeeper Raylene Rose failing to eat an egg sandwich during tea in a match against Bagborough in 2009

In 2007, captain Charles Handspan was implicated in a similar scandal when he was found to have bowled more than twice as many leg side wides in a league season than any other bowler in the whole of England.  At the time, no charges were laid.  However, he wrote in his autobiography released in serial form in the Blackmore Vale later that year, that he had “a hard time with wicketkeepers” and that he thought that one “may have run over (his) dog when (he) was little.”

When contacted by the Western Gazette, the board of the SCL were quite clear that “Kilmington and Stourton First XI will not take part in any league fixtures for the rest of 2010”.  The Western Gazette applauds this hard line approach and it is surely a sign that this sort of thing will not be tolerated in our fair game.

With only 3 points required to guarantee second spot for the end of the season, KSCC turned up at relegated Fitzhead to be confronted with an interesting ground.  The outfield sloped alarmingly away from the green and soft wicket in all directions towards the rather short looking boundaries.  Fitzhead won the toss and chose to bat...which suited us fine.

The first ball was delivered by The Destroyer as the captain set about mucking around with the usual course of events.  Spenny started with a tidy little spell, conceding only 1 run from 3 overs...unheard of!  From the other end El Capitan delivered one over of dross, but was helped out enormously by the batsman who chose to kick a leg side full toss onto his stumps.  Anter then trundled in for his first proper spell of the year and mixed up the good and the bad.  The real fireworks came from the first over of Livewire Benny, who delighted his captain while also nearly scuppering his plans for the day.  Ben bowled his best over of the year to blast through 3 batsman!  He sealed the 3^rd vital point to bring about handshakes all round, then was promptly removed from the attack by Your Brave Leader(TM) lest he get the remaining 6 wickets in his next 6 balls.  The ball, the wickets and the plaudits were passed around the rest of the squad, with everyone except Ray, Snooky and Tommy B getting an over in.  Tom Reid took a good over the shoulder catch, but the rest was pretty straightforward fare as Fitzhead limped their way to 135 all out.  Benny came back into the attack to fire out another 3 batsman and returned what must surely be career best figures of 6/6 from 7 overs..and if they aren’t I will be demanding a “please explain” for some of his less delightful spells this year.  It was well deserved and capped off a good finish to the season for the orange haired lad.

The reconfigured top order proved to be slightly less successful.  Tommy B missed a straight one early, Snooky’s brain melted and Spence failed to nurdle for long.  Rayzzo and The Sheik steadied the ship with a good partnership that included a few sixes.  The Professor managed a flurry of boundaries, but Tom Reid and The Anternator came and went quickly.  All of a sudden, we were getting in deep.  However, Biffer Burles stepped in and clouted the ball hard and long.  His 4 sixes and a four ended the game as a contest...one massive six was so premeditated he was winding up for it before the previous one had even been found in the trees.  There was some late excitement as The Professor fell, but the Livewire wrapped up the game with a 4 and signalled the start of the celebrations.

It turned into a long night (and equally painful Sunday) at the Bell and Crown, but it was a celebration thoroughly deserved as KSCC cut straight through Division 3 at the first attempt.  Middlezoy topped our table for the second year running but we can take great solace in that we will have a chance to have another crack at them next year.  Fellow rivals Wincanton finished third, and only time will tell if we find ourselves playing them next year.

Congratulations everyone, you have done your club proud and I look forward to another great season in 2011 playing Division 2 cricket.

Over and out,

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