It has become a hallmark of my illustrious and well-documented captaincy to take hold of perfectly decent fast bowlers, take them quietly aside and turn them into batsmen. When our side lines up this Saturday, it is entirely likely that 3 of the top 4 batsman will have been opening the bowling for their respective clubs 3 or 4 years ago. It might be possible to classify this approach as being bit of a one trick pony, and that I should probably have come up with another idea by now...but I dare say that it is in perfect harmony with my on field captaincy and, at the very least, the pony has had its feed laced with LSD and been presented with a high dive board and an Olympic swimming pool of raspberry jelly. Never one to come up with an idea of my own, this game plan was formulated years ago while reading an extremely early draft of the Unauthorised Biography of Sir Donald Bradman, written by beleaguered sports journalist James Horsfield. Having recently had his Unauthorised Biography of Fred Trueman rejected by several publishing companies for containing very little in the way of historical fact, he immediately set about using the last half of his notebook for his comprehensive review of the life of the greatest batsman to play the game. His writing style presented certain challenges to the reader, including his inclination to write between the lines of his previous manuscript and refusing to use names of people or places, dates or, indeed, any specifics that would produce any identification of anything whatsoever. However, I was able to eventually piece together some of the more revealing and insightful observations his research had uncovered, not least of all the stunning fact that, prior to captaining The Invincibles in 1948, Australia’s most revered sporting hero had completed a full career in Yorkshire as one of the most feared fast bowlers in county cricket! Astonishing! It was at this point in time, I realised that the modern professional game had stymied this sort of inspirational stuff....and that it was time for a new order.
Thanks to some amazingly fortuitous downpours the previous week, which had rained off all of the games of note in our division on the weekend that we were sitting on our backsides with 35 points in the bag after the rearranged fixture played in April, KSCC found themselves with the opportunity to all but secure second spot and promotion. Curry Rivel arrived having been incumbent in the position for most of the year but had found themselves on the wrong side of recent results and in need of a win to get back in the 3 horse race between KSCC, Wincanton and themselves. Rain had been milling about all week, but heroic groundsman/chairman/second team captain/juniors coach/team plumber Dave Barton had made use of the new covers and we were presented with a very decent wicket indeed. Curry Rivel won the toss and elected to send us in.
For the first time all season, the KSCC top 3 were all in the hutch early on. El Capitan was clean bowled attempting to cut the young medium pacer. Those in the know were not surprised. Charlie Pelham clipped one straight to the fielder and The Sheik found that he had bribed the wrong official when he found himself unfairly triggered out by the umpire, comprehensively bowled. Livewire Benny started his innings with the sort of calm concentration that he has become renowned for...the sort that could at anytime involve the arrival of a white van and the donning of a straight jacket and gag. However, it just takes a few overs and the feeling of ball on willow for the young lad to get in the groove, and, with the serene Biffer Burles at the other end, a partnership started to take form. With a mix of cricket shots and brutal swings across the line, both batsman pushed the field back and began to apply some real pressure on the bowling side. Over 24 overs, the pair compiled an accomplished 113 runs, put into perspective by the sluggish and water laden outfield. Biffer Burles in particular chose that day of all days to hit some gorgeous drives along the carpet which were hit as hard as any ball I have seen hit...only to have them pull up short of the long Kilmington boundaries. It took something very special to break the partnership...Duncan copped a ball that would have cleaned up anyone as the young pacer came in from wide of the crease, pitched it on middle just short of a length and straightened it outside the edge of the bat and through the top of middle. It was a superb ball and the end of an extremely important 48. Soon after, his partner in crime was also cleaned up...Livewires 68 backed up his score the previous week and proved that he is capable of scoring quick runs anywhere in the order...but don't tell him that or he won't stop talking about it. From such heady heights, the innings collapsed in a heap. Kilmington’s last 5 wickets tumbled in 4 overs and a promising recovery was lost. All out for 186 in the last over. Certainly not the highest of scores, but workable in the damp conditions.
During the break, the sun came out and dried everything....not the plan. Tommy B and Snooky started pretty well against the Curry top order that had, on previous exposure, destroyed all before them. They shared a double breakthrough as The Strangler trapped one in front and then Tommy B routed the out of position number 3 for a duck. There are some big lads in the Curry Rivel team, and one of them dispatched the last of Tommy’s first spell overs for a few, including a thumping six well into cow corner (complete with real cows) that had even Biffer Burles standing in admiration. Snooky completely undid Mr Jolly Nice Man with a corker of a swinging slower ball yorker. The batsman was all over the place. Spence entered the fray with a couple of welcome maidens and then played a masterful game of cat and mouse with his captain. Twice he was hammered for big runs only to reply with a wicket...a truly professional effort at stringing his skipper along for as long as possible. One of the wickets came courtesy of a stunning catch at cow corner by Marley Pelham, going full stretch at height on the boundary to take a screamer. The Golden Boy could learn a trick or two from the approach of his more senior counterpart. Freddie went early with a wicket in his first over but then fired down a series of seemingly random deliveries and found himself replaced by the return of his brother. At this stage, KSCC were looking for the kill after eliminating the dangerous top order. Though he was accurate and extremely frugal, Tommy B failed to secure the required wickets. However, his tight spell had kept us in the game. It came down to The Professor from the top end and Your Brave Leader(TM) from the bottom to try and secure victory. Curry Rivel's keeper and young quick had batted with complete control to take the upper hand in the chase, but both self destructed within 2 overs. The keeper was out for 48 top edging a cut from the bowling of El Capitan, and then the youngster played an unnecessary shot at Jonny to give Spence his second catch in a handful of deliveries. Try as they might, the Curry tail were unable to gather the 5 an over required thanks to some tight bowling and, to be honest, some missed opportunities. It came down to the last over...Jonny bowling his cutters and the last man standing trying to swing everything to leg and missing. The last ball came with 6 required to win...and the Official Designated Hero of The Club Jonny Rowe cleaned him up to grab the 10th wicket, 34 points and huge victory.
Batting:
B Chant 68
D Burles 48
Bowling o m r w
J Rowe 5 0 21 3
S Snook 10 3 31 2
S Churchill 11 3 49 2
C Hansen 2 0 4 1
T Barton 12 1 37 1
F Barton 5 0 26 1
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